Thursday, July 1, 2004
Pickin a jury is tricky. You have to make sure that you got smart intelligent people who will listen to the case but who are not prejudiced by stuff like media hype an the saturation coverage that comes with our modern twenty four hour news cycle, and are willin to just hear the facts. Sometimes findin that perfect jury can take a long time which is part of whats kept me an Giblets so busy lately.
FAFNIR: Now Mr Prospective Juror are you familiar with the defendant in this case?
IRAQI: Hmmm, what did you say his name was?
GIBLETS: Saddam Hussein.
IRAQI: I have heard of him now and then, in the Baghdad papers, over the last thirty years or so... but really, I don't pay that much attention.
FAF.: And how much do you know about the case?
IRAQI: I've heard some things about "war crimes" and "mass graves" and "the mass slaughter of thousands of innocents" but really, I'd rather wait until I see the official facts at trial and let them speak for themselves.
FAF.: Wow! You sound perfect!
GIBS.: I like that you don't hold war crimes against people.
IRAQI: It's part of my giving nature.
FAF.: Waaaaait a second. Are you wearin a fake mustache on top of a real mustache?
IRAQI: Um... no...
GIBS.: Dammit, it's Saddam Hussein again!
FAF.: Saddam if we have been through this once we have been through this a hundred times! No tamperin with the jury pool!
IRAQI: I'm... I'm not Saddam! I'm... uh... the Iraqi Santa Claus! If you're good little boys, you'll let Santa on his jury!
GIBS.: Ooh! Giblets wants Iraqi egg nog!
FAF.: Giblets it is just another evil trick! Like this mornin when he showed up dressed like a dictator an we asked if he was a dictator an he said he wasn't a dictator he was just wearin his old dictator costume from back in his days as the dictator from the Village People an we said "oh that's fine" an it turns out there WAS no dictator from the Village People!
GIBS.: Ohhhh yeaaah. Course I always thought the indian was a crypto-fascist.
IRAQI: (bein dragged away) Damn you! I am the president! President of Iraq! Bow before Saddam! Bow before Saddam NOOOOW!
GIBS.: I like the cut of his gib... lets.
FAF.: He was very fair an balanced. He woulda made a great juror if he wasnt Saddam Hussein.
GIBS.: It says here the next guy is an Iraqi who has spent the last thirty years on the Moon and thinks the Ba'ath party is an exclusive post-Oscar event.
FAF.: Ooo! He sounds promising.
SADDAM HUSSEIN IN AN ASTRONAUT SUIT: Klaatu barada nikto!
posted by fafnir at 7:43 PM