Monday, July 5, 2004

So it turns out that yesterday while everyone was out grilling bugers and watchin' fireworks and listening to their elderly relatives complain about "Oh Giblets my catheter bag is soooo heavy and painful" George W Bush went and gutted the Endangered Species Act by changing a ton of rules through which it's enforced. Which is funny, 'cause Giblets woulda thought he'd have done it on a day when people would pay attention, like Earth Day, when the president visited wetlands to talk about his environmental record. Giblets thinks a nice little announcement for this latest initiative might have involved the president shooting a condor in the head in the Rose Garden. This is why Giblets needs to be on Bush's media team.

The new rules take a more "optional" approach to the Endangered Species Act, replacing "enforcement" of existing laws with "incentives" that make it easier for you to "get away with killing protected species." Bush's Secretary of the Interior calls this "New Environmentalism," which is probably more accurately descibed as "Not Environmentalism."

And Giblets for one thinks it is about damn time. Signed into law by notorious left-wing extremist Richard Nixon, the Endangered Species Act has long stood in the way of mankind's Manifest Destiny of throwin' every limited resource in the world into a big pile and settin' it on fire. Before if Giblets wanted to torch a hideous old-growth forest and replace it with a beautiful shopping mall, he'd have to make sure there wasn't some spotted owl or bald eagle or baby in there. But now it's burn, baby, burn!

Giblets is pretty sure that anyone who cares about "endangered plants and animals" must be some crazy PETA person he can safely ignore, and to convince himself otherwise he would have to read big thick books about things like "biodiversity" and "ecological interdependence." Books are insolent! What Giblets is trying to say, in his studiously uninformed opinion, is species die, shit happens, get over it. It's not like it affects Giblets. Like everyone else I walk around in a self-contained hermetically-sealed suit of cyborg armor drawing as its power source an infinite source of energy, and am therefore unaffected by what happens to the outside world.


posted by Giblets at 4:11 PM



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