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Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Oh the power of the internet! Giblets an me are goin to blog John Edwards's speech AS IT HAPPENS!* I will be bloggin in regular type an Giblets will be bloggin in italics.
[*Although due to curious time delays you may not actually get to read it until Friday! "This is because of the time zone differential" says Giblets. We deal with a lot of time zone differentials here at Fafblog!] Well this speech is comin hot off the heels of a great introduction by John Edwards's wife Elizabeth who came across as very warm an carin an matronly in fact I believe she spontaneously birthed a child on stage an so Edwards is startin off with an acknowledgement of his wife. It helps humanize his otherwise cold an distant trial-lawyerly demeanor which has been such a problem throughout this campaign. Yes it has Giblets. What other kinds of problems is John Edwards goin to have tonight? What I think Democrats should be careful about is the amount of "class warfare" in Edwards's speech. They might want to tone it down a bit an add some moderate lines like "It is good to tax poor people more" an "rich people get taxed too darn much" an "would you like more money rich people? I understand poor people have quite a lot just lyin around." Maybe it was inappropriate to introduce Edwards with "Eat the Rich"? It's never inappropriate to rock, Fafnir. Whats inappropriate is the speech. It is just more Democratic flip-floppin. Barack Obama said we were one America with people tryin to divide us into two. Edwards says we are two Americas with people tryin to unite us into one. Well which one is it Democrats? One America or two? I like how in this version of his "two Americas" speech Edwards talks about how the two Americas will combine like two Voltron robots into one mighty America which will then fight the terrorists! But which Voltron is it? Is it the robot Voltron or the really lame lion Voltron? I think you are thinkin of Thundercats Giblets. Voltron was never made of lions. Yes he was. There was a lion Voltron and a robot Voltron an the lion Voltron is deeply lame. I think the lion Voltron was apocryphal. Now we knew that "strength" is a big theme in this convention but I am especially impressed with how Edwards is makin use of it here especially with the "WE WILL BURY YOU." Yeah but notice how long it took him to get his shoe off an pound it on the podium. Looks clumsy Fafnir, an I bet Fox News is gonna play that over an over again. It is a little known fact that Nikita Kruschchev brought an extra shoe with him to the UN so he could pound it at a moments notice. An of course George Bush wears a boot around his neck at all times just in case. Wears it to bed even. He calls it "Snuggleboot." Giblets has heard a lotta rumors sayin that Snuggleboot would make a great replacement for Cheney in the VP slot. Oh I think he would! I think Snuggleboot has a lot of interestin things to say about energy policy. I almost feel like the speech is uneven at times like when John Edwards goes from talkin about big corporations gettin tax breaks for cuttin American jobs to talkin about feeding the strength of America's armies by drinking the blood of the terrorist's dead. I think it just shows John Edwards's youth an inexperience. Everyone knows you eat the heart of your enemies to gain their strength. Drinkin the blood is useless. Now Dick Cheney is a vice president I trust to know about eating another man's still-beatin heart. Overall I am not impressed with John Edwards's "two Americas"/"one America" speech. If there is only one America, how will Giblets aspire to get into a classy elite America where the rest of grimy smelly America is kept out? But what about the big corporations who are always tryin to step on the little guy? What little guy? Giblets an Fafnir ARE the little guy. We are short, man. We are really really short. Robert Reich almost squashed us at a buffet today. Well then I believe we have two Americas Giblets. One for Fafnir an Giblets an one for very very big people who threaten to step on Fafnir an Giblets. Too true Fafnir. Too true. I also believe we have two Edwards speeches. One for the "two Americas" speech an one for the acceptance speech. I think they sorta tried to eat each other tonight. Giblets is goin to bed.
posted by fafnir at 10:19 PM
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