Wednesday, June 9, 2004

This week has been hard on Giblets, with Reagan being dead. Giblets wasn't actually in America per se while he was president, or even while he was cogent. But watching him on television Giblets feels as if he knew him as well as any random stranger watching endless tributes and funerary coverage for days on end. That was the magic connectivity of Reagan, you see.

And what more fitting send-off to the president we sometimes knew and kinda loved than with a week-long televised corpse-a-thon! Giblets is currently flipping between "Reagan: The Legacy," "The Reagan Legacy," "Reagan: The Man, The Legend" and the funeral with the delicious-yet-tasteful pun, "Mourning in America." If Giblets clicks superfast he can see caskets on five networks at once!

But the news networks are not the only ones showcasing President Reagan. Food TV is presenting their marathon "Cooking With Reagan." The former president marinates a salmon steak with the genial smile and sunny demeanor we have all come to love. VH1 has broken off showing looped episodes of "I Love the 80s" to show looped episodes of "I Love Reagan," a zany pop culturefest in which celebrities such as Mo Rocca and Steven Tyler mock yet idolize Reagan in twenty-second segments. And even TNT has switched from showing endless reruns of "Law & Order" to a continuous feed of Sam Waterson playing Jack McCoy playing Reagan, standing tall and erect in front of an enormous American flag and reading all speeches and signed legislation from the administration. A tear glistens in his eye as he reads H. Con. Res. 17.

Giblets can take no more, it pains him to have lost his Reagan so! I flip to the game show channel but alas, it is a rerun of the mid-80s "Press Your Luck" guest-starring Reagan. "No whammies," smiles the Great Communicator as he presses down on the big red button. Oh Reagan, only you could press your luck with such irrepressible optimism. There will be no whammies for you in that good tomorrow, Happy Warrior!

Today they are moving the casket to Washington and Giblets is with them every step of the way, on CNN and Fox and yes even MSNBC. Giblets has seen the mortician interviewed and has seen 3D rotating specs of the coffin. Giblets is given to understand there is talk of setting up a special C-SPAN 4 which will be nothing but Reagan funeral coverage.

Apparently something is happening at the UN, and there's a summit - GE? GM? Giblets has no patience for summits! - but Giblets does not care, this week he only has news-eyes for Reagan. There's also some kinda torture thing goin' on but Giblets does not know why they bother. Torture was so two months ago.
posted by Giblets at 6:36 PM



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