Tuesday, June 29, 2004
We are out on the boat hidin from our dangerous evil alternate twins from the evil alternate negaverse. We are hidin out on the boat cause man those guys'll never think to look for us on a boat. I mean, it's a boat.
"Another half hour an we will have safely sailed to Arkansas," says me.
"I do not trust this boat," says Giblets. "How many cannon does she have."
"One," says me. "If you count the ham sandwich."
"Lame!" says Giblets.
"Two then," says me. "If you count the can of beans an the ham sandwich."
"Less lame," says Giblets.
"You should respect our boat," says me. "She is the HMS Munky Bizness an I was told she is among the finest vessels in Her Majesty's sea forces."
"Harrumph," says Giblets. "Giblets finds Her Majesty's sea forces to be in serious decline."
"You should man the sandwich," says me.
"Giblets commandeers this ham sandwich in the name of our defense," says Giblets. "In case our evil alternate twins show up in an evil alternate boat."
"It could be ham or spam," says me. "I have to run a Bayesian filter to see."
"Giblets rejects your hegemonic ham/spam binary!" says Giblets. "Spam is just a superior form of ham. It is man's improvement on nature's ham."
"That's true," says me. "Spam comes in a handy can while ham comes packaged in inconvenient pig form."
"In the future we will get spam from special improved spam pigs," says Giblets, "which I call 'spigs'."
"In the future insects will be replaced by robot insects," says me, "which are cheaper and easier to manufacture."
"In the future we will discard spaceships and travel to the moon and back on comfortable moon trains," says Giblets, "built by a joint human-moon man effort. But vast immigration difficulties will develop."
"In the future humans will conduct all contact through the internet," says me. "All jobs will be e-jobs, all friends will be e-friends, all sex will be e-sex. Sperm and ova will be joined electronically to form e-babies."
"Porn stars will have e-sex with millions of strangers a day," says Giblets. "They will be constantly pregnant, even the men, but will be genetically engineered to reproduce only through budding."
"The president will be a giant satellite dish shaped like the president," says me. "He will have all of America's hopes an fears transmitted into him several times a day, an use use amazin new technologies to transform them into delicious hope-and-fear-flavored combo meals."
"On Fridays you will be able to get an American Dreamburger with fries and a large Coke for just $3.99," says Giblets.
"The future is a strange an beautiful place," says me.
"Like Arkansas," says Giblets.
"Here it comes! Look at that golden Arkansan shore," says me.
"Claimed in the name of Giblets!" says Giblets.
"Oh no!" says me. "Our evil alternate twins on an evil alternate boat!"
"A mighty battle!" says Giblets raisin the sandwich.
An there followed a mighty battle.
Labels: true adventures
posted by fafnir at 6:46 PM