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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Giblets has come to reach out to the world of Muslim extremists tonight. For tonight Giblets is wearing the bright fuzzy slippers of the peacemaker. He is Peacemaker Giblets. Can you feel the peace, world? No? Feel the peace! Giblets commands you!
Yesterday Iraqi insurgents attacked Iraq's oil supply again, sabotaging pipelines and assasinating a top oil official. Muslim extremists, this is madness. We do not share many of the same values. We do not share the same values regarding political freedom, or women's rights, or the universal value of human life, or modernity. But there is at least one thing we both love and appreciate, and it is oil. Oil. Sweet, thick, gooey oil, trickling in smooth black slippery rivulets through our fingers, over our toes, into the sweet caress of the oil-dipping pool. You love it 'cause it buys you nukes. We love it 'cause we're hooked. Give Giblets a lil' taste a that sweet sweet crude now. Yeah that's the stuff. We both feel the giddy thrill when a hot black geyser spurts into the air whether we are Texas oil barons or Saudi royal princes. It is not what we call God that matters, Muslim extremists. It is what grade we pump in Him that counts. Remember that God, in His wisdom, gave all of us this beautiful planet with all its natural resources to pillage. Do not hurt the fossil fuel you love, Muslim extremists! Pump it dry, then sell it to us at a discount price. Giblets dreams of a future in which people of every race, creed, and color will be able to put aside their differences and focus on the one thing that unites us all: we are all together here on this planet, and we all want to plunder it together. Together we can leave it as a giant empty wasteland for our children. A giant empty wasteland of religious harmony.
posted by Giblets at 8:24 PM
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