Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Last night the president got up on TV and explained a new five-step plan to guide Iraq to sovereignty and stability. Wow - five whole steps! But what is the plan and what will it mean for Iraq and the US? Fafblog, your number one source of news and information when it isn't takin four or five day weekends, is on the case with a handy FAQ:
Q: What are the new five steps?
A: They are: 1. Handing over authority to a sovereign Iraqi government. 2. Establishing security. 3. Continuing to rebuild Iraq's infrastructure. 4. Moving toward a national election in Iraq.
Q: Those are good steps!
A: We are glad you like them.
Q: How are they different from the old five steps?
A: They are the same as the old five steps, but they have the newly-added quality of newness.
Q: But -
A: We are staying the course.
Q: How sovereign will the new sovereign Iraq government be?
A: It will be so sovereign. You have never seen anything as sovereign as this new sovereign Iraqi government!
Q: Does the UN draft resolution prepared by the US give Iraq full sovereignty?
Q: Does it give the Iraqi government the power to ask foreign troops to leave or to overrule military missions?
A: No. We are staying the course, whether they want us to or not.
Q: How will security be established?
A: Quickly, and with the aid and cooperation of the Iraqi people.
Q: Wow, that sounds like a great idea, it makes me wonder why we didn't think of it before!
A: We did, but back then, that idea was an old idea. Now it sparkles with the sheen of the New. Its ridges are hard and bold and striking. Its curves are supple and smooth and inviting. It bounces with the ebullient step of youth, fresh to the world like a newborn babe.
Q: That is very impressive. How did you do that?
A: We believe qualia are involved. We are also going to destroy Abu Ghraib prison.
Q: Good. It is about time that building paid for all the torture and rapes it has committed.
A: And then we will build another, better, brighter prison. There is always room for improvement when staying the course.
Q: We are now going to continue to rebuild Iraq's infrastructure?
A: Indeed. This was a very controversial decision - many thought that leaving it to fall into decay and entropy would be the best way to lead Iraq on the road to stability. But we decided to think outside the box, as it were, and rebuild the country.
Q: When will national elections be?
A: In January. Maybe sooner.
Q: Sooner? Are we not staying the course?
A: Don't get crazy here! We are still staying the course, my friend.
Q: Are we staying the course?
A: Yes we are! We are staying the course. Our coursefulness remains steady and firm. Staid, even.
Q: That's good, staying the course.
A: We have not left the course. We could not leave the course.
Q: Okay, that's great.
A: It hurts to be away from the course. It hurts like a scornful lover.
A: It hurts. So. Much.
posted by fafnir at 9:22 AM