Tuesday, May 18, 2004

We have not had enough of the weirdness here in American politics for a while. When was the last time for instance that Americans nominated a penguin as a major party presidential candidate? Okay you can all stop shouting "Adlai Stevenson" because it is not true. I meant a true penguin, not a puffin which is sometimes erroneously referred to as "the penguin of the north." And I happen to know that such a penguin nomination has not occurred since Horace Greeley in 1872.

At any rate right now there is a lot of talk about John Kerry runnin with John McCain as his vice-president and a lot of people think "Well hey that sounds like a great idea!" and yknow what it probably is. I mean I disagree with John McCain on a few issues, like the death penalty, gun control, abortion, the Iraq war, arming Japan with nuclear weapons, arming the US with more nuclear weapons. But on the other hand he is a genuinely nice guy, and he is also really funny - watch him on the Daily Show! He shines.

The great and compellin thing about a Kerry-McCain ticket is it would be something weird and different that we haven't had in a while. Wow! A republican and a democrat? Together? It is like Voltron - the different colored robots that combine to form one big robot! Or better still: it is like Captain Planet - the opposing Aristotelian elements* which, when our powers combine, form a New Age superhero who fights pollution with cosmic powers!

Some party-poopers might ask "But Fafnir will John Kerry and John McCain make a good presidential combination because they disagree on so many things?" The answer is yes of course! Were those penguins great presidents? Or would they have been had they won a majority of the votes in the electoral college? Certainly - just look at the admirable job Adlai Stevenson did as penguin ambassador to the UN. The important thing is weird and different is good. I hope McCain is introduced at the convention by way of a musical tap number and striptease. It would be very different and make a lot of swing voters sit up and take notice.

*Except for the fifth power ring, held by the Indian kid, "Heart." There was earth, air, water, fire, and heart. Earth had the power to shake the earth. Water had the power to control the sea. But heart had the power to move you.
posted by fafnir at 10:45 PM



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