Saturday, May 1, 2004

I am the one who doesn't believe brown-skinned people are capable of self-government

Yesterday George Bush disagreed with "people in the world who don't believe that people whose skin color may not be the same as ours can be free and self-govern." A lot of high mucky-mucks like Josh Marshall and Atrios and George Bush are wondering just who these people are who think democracy will not work with brown-skinned people. Well, they is Giblets.

Giblets is a war supporter. I am very big on war. It is like a glass of fine white wine, it "cleanses the palate" of civilizations. Also it makes for fantastic television. More importantly it is enormously cathartic. After 9/11 Giblets was mad, real mad, and wanted to blow somethin up. Weapons of mass destruction? Who cares! Spreading democracy in the middle east? Never bought it! Giblets would be just as happy with a "democracy-minded strongman" like himself in charge. Yknow when those dictators think about democracy for an hour or so a day is when things really start to turn around.

But Giblets has never believed that brown people are capable of self-government. Take the one brown person I know, Bucephalus. "Bananas?" says Bucephalus. Bucephalus lives in a sadly limiting binary world. A world of Bananas and Ape Has Killed Ape. "No, Bucephalus," I say to Bucephalus, for Giblets has no Bananas and would spare none for him if he had any. "No bananas." "Oh," says Bucephalus sadly. "Ape has killed ape." Bucephalus cannot understand the myriad levels of complexity between these two states. Everything is black or white, on or off, Bananas or Ape Has Killed Ape. How would Bucephalus or a congress of Bucephaluses draft a bill or pass a budget? It is inconceivable.

It is not that Bucephalus is incapable of doing anything. He is an excellent juggler for example. Juggle, Bucephalus! Juggle for Giblets NOW! And he is rather obedient. Good Bucephalus! Very good Bucephalus. You have amused your lord and Giblets.

Anyway, it is about time we cut through the crap, recognized the brown-skinned people of Iraq cannot self-govern, and put them under the control of Giblets. Then we can move onto the problem of the white-skinned people who clearly cannot govern America. I mean come on. You people can't even fill court appointments.

posted by Giblets at 10:13 AM

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