Thursday, May 13, 2004

Apparently senior citizens are very confused about the new Medicare presciption drug benefit. The new benefit forces them to choose between 73 different plans, they complain. They have to commit to a plan for a year but the companies behind those plans can drop coverage for drugs and change prices at any time, they complain. The plans are too confusing for their senile, senile brains, they complain. They can't read the Medicare instructions because lack of medication has left them blinded by cataracts, they complain.

Awwwwww! Poor old seniors! Do you know what this is, seniors? (Please imagine Giblets miming a violin-playing motion with his fingers) It is Giblets playing the world's smallest violin just for the seniors who are too stupid to figure out how their obscenely expensive new Medicare drug benefit works. In a proper honest Gibletsian society you would all be released into the jungle to be eaten by giant insects upon retirement, or perhaps forced to run through a televised master gauntlet policed by extravagantly costumed killer police cyborgs, instead of plodding on into old age and becoming part of a immensely potent voting block. We have given you massive and deeply flawed entitlement programs that won't survive your children. We have bloated those programs with sops to pharmaceutical companies and the AARP. We have given you Florida, a once barely-habitable swampland now terraformed into a hellish biodome of rest homes and tourist traps. And now you want the ability to see, too?

Well, Giblets's generosity is not endless. If you do not toughen up, seniors, it will be the insects for you. Then we can spend that Medicare cash on something really important, like mini-nukes.
posted by Giblets at 12:30 PM



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