Tuesday, April 27, 2004

The Medium Lobster does not often deign to acknowledge the success of linear beings, but the recent maneuverings of the Bush/Cheney campaign in exposing the deadly scandal now known as "Ribbon-Medalgate" demand his muted and salutatory applause. In one fell swoop they have crippled the now-moribund Kerry campaign by exposing the dark underbelly of John Kerry's past he's so desperately attempted to keep hidden from the world: his Vietnam service.

In a brilliant move, the Bush-Cheney team has simultaneously managed to:

Remind voters of Kerry's five medals, which are not generally associated with valor, military experience, and service to one's country, but of the vital question of whether or not John Kerry was hit by enough shrapnel to merit two or three of his Purple Hearts!

Remind voters of Kerry's opposition to Vietnam, a war supported to this day by the vast majority of Americans. The Bush team is bound to make miles of headway by associating Kerry with the movement to end American military involvement in Indochina while positioning themselves as pro-Vietnam War hawks by default - especially after launching their own "land war in Asia" with Iraq!

Bring up Vietnam once again in the middle of the Iraq conflict, both swimmingly successful military operations which can only benefit by further comparison and juxtaposition to one another!

Prompt further comparisons of Kerry and Bush's war record, from which Bush can only benefit, as he spent the war valiantly defending the office lounges of Alabama from the vicious assault of the Viet Cong while John Kerry was dastardly earning medal upon medal just so he could throw them away - or worse, not throw them away - in disservice to America's war effort.

Indeed, it is difficult to imagine how the Bush team could have done any better - without, of course, enlisting the aid of the Medium Lobster.
posted by the Medium Lobster at 1:56 PM



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