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Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Glofish: the civil rights struggle of the 21st century

It has been a while since we have had a glofish update and for that I apologize. But who else is updating you on the struggle to Free Glofish? Not quote-unquote libertarian Eugene Volokh. Not Calpundit who is Californian and has ignored the glofish controversy engulfing his state. In the blogoverse only Fafblog is promisin to bring you fast-coming updates on this enfolding crisis of civil liberties. Fast-coming updates every couple months.

As recently as one month ago Glofish-rights group and genetically-modified fish company Yorktown Products has decided to petition the evil California Fish and Game Commission again, which last year decided in a 3-1 ruling to ban the sale of Glofish and to adopt Nazi-licking and baby-eating as the official Fish and Game Commission pastimes. It is an evil Commission! An evil, evil Commission!

Will these champions of glowy-fishy justice triumph I have no idea. But even while they struggle to liberate oppressed California from the grips of glofish-hating evildoers the fiendish forces of the Center for Food Safety is suing the FDA to force them to regulate Glofish. I am not one to resort to hyperbole lightly, and I am not resorting to it lightly when I say that if Glofish cannot flow freely then democracy will be lost to the world forever.

That is why we must work even harder to make sure that our congresspeople and leaders secure our fundamental rights and freedoms. So I am urging all of you to write to your representatives and senators and send them the exact following message which should not be changed in any way, because you will not get it right I'm sorry:

Hello senator or representative how's it goin! It's goin fine. Fine except for Glofish! Glofish are the most beautiful and wonderful things introduced to the universe since probably anything and more importantly they are fundamental. Fundamental to the American way of life. Fundamental to American experience and freedom. But they are under attack - by people who hate freedom. Just like terrorists, and the Sasquatch.

Senator or representative, when our fundamental rights are under attack, we fight for them. That is what makes us Americans - and zombie-slayers (zombies also hate our fundamental rights, like the Sasquatch). But we cannot do it alone. We must do it with big zombie-killing guns, and with a new Constitutional amendment, which is the Federal Fafnir's Glofish Amendment Amendment:

No law passed by Congress or any state, nor this Constitution nor that of any state, nor any local law, nor any commonlaw practice, nor any international treaty, nor any conditions of surrender to hostile powers from another world, nor any direct edicts of the Supreme Almighty Being, shall be interpreted to abridge, amend, or remove the right of any citizen, person, or object in these United States or throughout the world from ownership of glowing fish.

I urge you to use your vast senatorial or representational influence to make this part of our Constitution preferably by election day of this year. I am a single-issue voter and will be noting your response.

Love,
me

posted by fafnir at 2:03 PM

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