Monday, March 22, 2004

So people are all "waa-waa-waa" about this Richard Clarke person (who Giblets has never heard of by the way, what is he doing on television?) who is all "Oh George Bush is stupid" and "Oh George Bush didn't know what Al Qaeda was" and "Oh Condoleeza Rice has the I.Q. of a syphilitic chipmunk." Richard Clarke says they were not paying attention to Osama bin Laden. Richard Clarke says that even after 9/11 some of them were still gung-ho about Iraq and wanted to blow it up because it was easy to blow up. Richard Clarke says we needed a strategy to roll-back Al Qaeda before they "killed three thousand people." Richard Clarke is a big fat fathead come to wreck Giblets's party - and YOURS TOO.

There are two kinds of people in the world. There are the people who are like the grumbly old chief of police in the action movies who want to hold bakc the hotheaded cop because he "breaks procedure" and "blows things up" and "gets countless innocents killed" and "shoots the wrong people" and "doesn't know what he's doing." And then there are people who are like the hotheaded cop. They get things done. George Bush is like that. Except with an eight-month delay that allowed terrorists to blow up the World Trade Center and a good chunk of the Pentagon but made for a great revenge plot.

The point is do you wanna be like the sissy grumbly old desk-job police chief or do you wanna be like the blow-em-up crazy hotheaded cop who is also a cyborg hero from the future? That is what Giblets thought! Some people say the war on terror is a war. Some people say the war on terror is a vast police action backed up by intelligence operations. Both people are INCREDIBLY STUPID. The war on terror is an incredibly cathartic shoot-em-up flick with fantastic special effects.

Giblets does not want to hear about early arming of Predator drones and funding opposition groups. He wants to hear about storming Baghdad! Shock and awe! Overwhelming force! You can package that with a great video game. Terrorists make lousy villains, they hide in mountains and it's just wait wait wait, sit sit sit, have we found them? No we haven't, oh the waiting, oh the tension, this is right up there with roll calls on C-SPAN. But invading a country? You get bombs and capital to sieze! You get a statue to topple! Then wrap it up and on to GULF WAR III: SYRIAN JUSTICE!

Some people are too sissy and stupid and grumbly to recognize sound foreign policy when they see it. And to those people Giblets says: shut your mouth and stay behind your damn desk, Chief, and leave the tossing of pot dealers through plate glass windows to Giblets.
posted by Giblets at 3:38 PM



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