Saturday, February 7, 2004

The Economist, England's journal of economics and world gardening, has an article on the falling dollar in which they say that the dollar should fall more. I like the Economist because it covers a wide variety of topics and makes them easily approachable. Take this article for instance, it has a picture of a really fat man with an american dollar sign on him. This shows me that Americans are fat, and that their currency is fat, too. Thank you Economist!

"But Fafnir I want specifics," you say. "How fat is the dollar? And is a weak dollar really good?" Thats a very good question! The short answer is "I dunno." The longer answer is "I really do not know." The really long answer is "Iiiiiiiiii doooooooooooonnnn't knnnnnooooooow." But there are things you should know about a weak dollar and how it will affect your life.

FAF'S WEAK DOLLAR TIPS:

You should always try to check to see just how weak your dollars are. To do this try to always keep a euro and a yen on you at all times so you can pull them out and compare them. Take a good look. Do the euro and the yen look bigger than they did before? Are their presidents and buildings appearing to intimidate the presidents and buildings on your dollar? If so your dollar has become weaker and will probably be reluctant to buy large objects such as cars and doctors and fancy hats. Do not pressure your dollar, just let it settle for smaller stuff like bubble gum and domestic whiskey.

If your dollar becomes stronger it will start standin up for itself and start goin "Hey euro, step off man." Then you can be a spendin fool, purchasing numerous mansions and hos as in a rap video. But sometimes you wanna be careful because if your dollar and your euro are about as powerful as each other they can go into a dangerous psychic standoff like Michael Ironside and Patrick McGoohan in the movie "Scanners."

"But Faf what if I do not want a weak dollar" you are asking. That is a good question. The best way to protect the value of your dollars is the best way to protect the value of anything else: lamination. I get a great deal down at the lamination place because I am friends with the guy at the counter Joe, and I have started laminating a supply of dollars which will now always be worth at least this much so if the dollar goes any lower my laminated dollars will be worth more than unlaminated ones, and I can go into stores and say "I would like to buy stuff" and they'll say "That'll be three-fifty Fafnir" and I will say "Oh I think it will only be three dollars today Mac because I have laminated dollars!" and everyone will be amazed.

Now of course you are saying "But Fafnir is that really cost-effective for me? Lamination can be expensive if I am not friends with Joe the guy at the counter at the lamination place." Well you should make friends with him shouldn't you? He's not a bad guy.

Most important: if the dollar gets real weak, you should trade it in for items with "harder" value which can be traded back for dollars when they become valuable again. May I suggest pigs. Everyone loves pigs, and pigs become bigger and fatter by nature as you go along, which means you get more pig and therefore more dollar when it is time to trade in again.

I hope you had as much fun learning about the weak dollar as I did talking about fat pigs! For Fafblog Economy Watch, I'm Fafnir.
posted by fafnir at 11:32 PM




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