Thursday, January 8, 2004
Well I just got back from being On Holiday, where I was hidin from evildoers in my undisclosed location*, and when I come back EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT AND CHANGED! What gives! All kinds of stuff happened while Faf was away!
- MAD COWS. American cows have gone mad. This makes me upset and sad - some of my best friends are American cows. Are they okay? Are they alright? Why haven't they responded to my worried emails? Ordinarily cows in the news is a time of joy and laughter, like the annual Gay Cow Parade or the time Ronald Reagan appointed a cow as his Labor Secretary. But this is a time of great sadness and laughter. Such is the tragicomedy of cows.
- SUCKS TO BE MUSHARRAF. Pakistani military dictator Pervez Musharraf who as regular Fafblog readers know is my favorite Pakistani military dictator ever - check out my Musharraf fansites, "Whassup, Musharraf!" and "Pervez n Pals" - was almost killed by hardline Islamic militants! Twice! Bad hardline Islamic militants! Bad, bad hardline Islamic militants! At least Musharraf got em back by agreeing to give up control of the military in a deal said to benefit hardline Islamic militants. Wait! Oh those rascally hardline Islamic militants! Grrrrr!
- NEW SPECIAL PROSECUTOR- Attorney General John Ashcroft has got hisself a special prosecutor for the Valerie Plame CIA Leak Scandal Thing. How could you Attorney General John Ashcroft! That was my job! I thought we were friends! I bought you ice cream! My feelins are hurt.
- ILLEGAL ALIENS: President Bush has proposed a new plan which will allow illegal aliens to live in the US in giant work factories. "Aliens are vital to America and the American economy and culture," said the President. "They build our spaceships and our death lasers. They probe our anuses and cross fertilize us with their larvae. We welcome them to our teeming shore." Then a tentacled green insectoid burst from his chest and fired its energy projectiles into the press corps.
- POPE VS ANTIPOPE. The Pope's battle with his evil antimatter counterpart the Antipope has reached a spectacular climax in which both Popes have been stranded in a distant dimension locked in an eternal struggle until the end of time. All of us cry for the Pope - but we will remember forever his great sacrifice to save the universe.
So much has happened since I have been away! How will I ever catch up!
*a bag with a lock on it in Florida
Ooo! Stupid footnote! Blowin the cover on my undisclosed location! I'm never speakin to you again!**
**awww, footnote, I don't really mean it. I can't stay mad at you.
posted by fafnir at 9:31 AM