Thursday, January 29, 2004

Well John Kerry has won Iowa and New Hampshire and Howard Dean has run out of money it looks like. And John Kerry is now the frontrunner for the Democratic nominee.

Sigh.

Well there is no use going "harumph" and "fooey" and "bleh" and "Aw nuts aw crap I really dont like John Kerry" over and over and over again. Best to hitch up our Fafbelts and get used to him right. So Fafblog has decided to interview John Kerry and here goes, here it is.

FAFBLOG: So here you are.
JOHN KERRY: It's great to be here.
FB: So why should we vote for you John Kerry? What's your deal?
JK: Well, America is in a crisis of leadership right now. We have a president who has failed as commander-in-chief, who has lied this country into war, who has launched the most reckless and irresponsible -
FB: Yeah yeah yeah we know all that John Kerry! But why should we vote for you? Instead of like Dennis Kucinich or Lyndon Larouche.
JK: I've been fighting for ordinary Americans for three decades. I fought for them in Vietnam and I fought for them against that war, and I fought for them in the senate for twenty years -
FB: Yeah I got the war hero thing.
JK: I'm sensing some hostlity here.
FB: I am not hostile at all. Faf is full of love.
JK: Anyway. If elected president, I'm going to repair the damage George Bush has done, to the deficit, to international relations, to -
FB: Oh I'm sorry John Kerry I can't do this! My heart is not in it! Here, Stuffie the octopus will conduct the rest of this interview.
JK: Uh...
FB: (in Stuffie voice) "Hi John Kerry I'm an octopus! Wheeee! What do you say to critics who say that yoooour health care plan is toooooo expeeeeeensive!"
JK: Do I really have to talk to the octopus?
FB: Yes.
FB: (in Stuffie voice) "I'm a daaancin fool!"
JK: Well... Stuffie... it's long past time that every American had access to health care. What I'm going to do is repeal the tax cuts George Bush gave to his friends at Enron and Halliburton, and ensure the health care of every child in the US, and give -
FB: (in Stuffie voice) "Boooooooring!"
FB: Stuffie! Be polite!
JK: (leaving) This is absurd.
FB: Howard Dean would have given Stuffie a fantastic interview! For shame John Kerry! For shame!
FB: (in Stuffie voice) "Let's get John Edwards Fafnir! Heeeeeeeee's pretty!"
posted by fafnir at 10:08 AM




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