Saturday, January 17, 2004

Giblets is on the plane to Iowa. Giblets is currently seated in the coach section, because United Airlines is insolent. Giblets demanded to be seated in the Section of the Caesars, and instead he is choking down complimentary packets of snak mix in coach. You will feel my wrath, United Airlines! You will all feel the wrath of Giblets!

Giblets is sitting next to an ugly stupid fat woman who smells bad. "Are you from Des Moines?" she asks. "No, stupid ugly fat woman!" Giblets responds, commandingly. "I am going to Iowa to do important political commentary on your state, because stupid people have decided it is important instead of what it is, which is stupid!" I then ask her what candidate she is supporting and why, but she refuses to respond. Insolent and stupid Iowans. She probably cannot understand my dialect because I am from one of the more developed regions. Giblets repeats the question, but much louder and more slowly, and with more "stupids" inserted, so she knows I am addressing her. She looks away and will not respond. Giblets bets she is voting for Gephardt, whose fatness and ugliness has secured the fat-and-ugly vote.

The flight attendant, who is trying to spill ginger ale on Giblets's copy of The Economist, is telling me to turn off my computer. Ha, foolish flight attendant, Giblets need not listen to you - this is not even Giblets's computer, I commandeered it at the airport! Maybe The Economist will have important things to say about Iowa, to make up for the fat ugly Iowan woman's uselessness.

"Mr Sistani and his people fear that the caucuses will be rigged to try to exclude the Shias from power, as they were under Saddam Hussein’s Sunni Muslim regime. This week, the ayatollah issued a fatwa (religious decree) that 'every Iraqi must have the right to vote'. His aides say that unless direct elections are held, he may issue another, tougher decree which would turn the Shias — hitherto largely supporters of the American-led invasion — into opponents, resisting America's presence alongside the remnants of Saddam's forces."

Stupid Economist! Giblets cares nothing about the intentions of Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani! You are useless to me! Why did I bring you, instead of a reputable news weekly such as Time or Newsweek or Big Juggs? Ah well. Giblets will be in Iowa soon, and he will have more useless things to worry about.
posted by Giblets at 6:26 PM



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