Thursday, January 15, 2004
You know it is a great time to be alive when my edition of the morning paper contains both of these headlines:
BOFFO BUSH BANGS BILLION FOR BOON BASE
(it is actually "moon base" but the editor got excited)
MARTIANS ATTACK EARTH, MILLIONS DIE IN CLOUDS OF DEATH-SPORES
(it is actually "Councilman Proposes New Tort Reform Bill" but I like my headline better)
Space is on President Bush's brain. A whole lot of space. But what does the President plan to do with it? Fafblog decided to find out. Here is the full interview.
FAFBLOG: Space is big. The Moon is very small next to space. Some have said, "What will happen if Pres. Bush's moon base gets lost in the middle of space? What will happen then? Huh? Whattayagonnado THEN, Bushie-Bush? Whattayagonnado THEN?"
GEORGE W BUSH: The U.S.S. Bold Stars Of Freedom Moon Base will be bolted to a ten thousand mile steel cable which will connect it to Dallas, Texas, securing both the base and the Moon. Never again will Americans need fear losing the Moon, or fear that America's most beautisimous natural satellite will fall into the hands of terrorists.
FB: That's really smart.
GWB: And inspiritorial.
FB: Mr. President what about the Moon's native inhabitants, such as the Watcher and the Decepticons and of course the Moonanians? How will America deal with the complexities of intra-Moon politics and relations?
GWB: The Moonanian people are a freedom-loving people, Fafnir. They love freedom. But they are oppressed by those who hate freedom, such as the Decepticons, who have ruthlessly forced them to transform into automobiles, and even Galactus, Devourer of Worlds.
FB: I actually think Galactus lives in a spaceship.
GWB: To you and all the Moonanian culture, I say: America is coming. Your day of liberation is near.
FB: Now, there's a lot of ol cranky-pantses who're sayin "Whaa whaa whaa! I don't wanna spend hundreds of billions of dollars on Mars and the Moon! I wanna spend that money on borin stuff like jobs and universal health care an not spending it at all!" What do you Mr. President have to say to those ol cranky-pantses?
GWB: To those I say: you give our strengthitivity to the evildoers.
GWB: I would also add that these negative nosayers are demonstrationing their ignoratissity of science. Operation: Lunar Freedom and Operation: Bursting Skies Of Red Liberty will pay for themselves. Once our inspirationauts have we can begin enriching the American economy with the fertile treasures mined from the moon's surface, such as silver, plutonium, nitronium moxie, and cheese. On Mars, of course, we will encounter a plentituberous supply of gold from the native Martian leprechaun population.
FB: That's right, leprechauns are made of gold! You really know your stuff Mr. President.
GWB: You have to, to be President, y'know.
FB: What will happen if we don't get the money to go to space?
GWB: Then Freedom will die, Fafnir.
FB: Oh no!
GWB: Yes. Freedom will die.
FB: That is horrible! I don't want freedom to die! I want to go to the Moon!
GWB: Good for you, Fafnir. You are a good and truterous American.
FB: It was a pleasure speaking with you Mr. President.
GWB: Ubiquipertous as always, Fafnir.
posted by fafnir at 8:55 PM