Friday, January 30, 2004

So a buncha people have been askin me "So Fafnir what is your opinion of the decision on the Hutton inquiry." Well buncha people normally great opinions must be stewed slowly over time, like an ox, or a large grapefruit. But this time my opinion leapt up at me right away. I just was slow to express it on account of I was busy 1. bein lazy and 2. stewin grapefuit. I have a great deal of grapefruit.

Allow me to lay out my argument as follows in the case of Tony Blair, the exaggeration of intelligence leading up to the Iraq War, and the coverage of the BBC as it relates to the inquiry of Lord Hutton.

1. Tony Blair looks like a monkey.

2. But not an ugly monkey. More like one of those funny weird-lookin monkeys who jumps on branches and eats leaves and goes "ook" a lot. Thus I am predisposed to liking Tony Blair.

3. The BBC has provided the world with years of fine programming such as BBC World News and Doctor Who.

4. Doctor Who has a huge scarf and a robot dog which can shoot lasers out of its nose.

5. Lord Hutton is a mean old cranky-pants who totally lets Tony Blair off because of his monkeyness but hates the BBC because he is jealous of Doctor Who's ability to effortlessly traverse time and space.

6. Objective people should stay objective even if they are easily charmed by amusing monkeys.

7. Doctor Who has defeated the Daleks 13 times. Lord Hutton has never defeated the Daleks at all.

It is clear through my reasoning that Lord Hutton did not conduct an objective inquiry into governmental manipulation of war intelligence but was instead swayed by politics, understandable monkey fetishes, and a fiendish desire to destroy the Doctor most likely aided by one of his old nemeses such as the Master or possibly even the Cybermen. For shame Lord Hutton! For shame! You will never get away with this, the international press and the Time Lords will not stand for it.

Why did I buy so many grapefruit? I will be stewing these forever. Hmmph.
posted by fafnir at 12:26 PM



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