Sunday, December 21, 2003
So yesterday me and Giblets and the Voice were playin a game of "Cheese or Weevil?" when someone brought up the question of robot rights.
"Robots need rights," I said. "For if we deny rights to robots, who are like our own children, do we not deny them also to Batman, who is also like our own children?"
"Robots don't need rights," says Giblets, "and robots need to get off my land. It's my land! It's Giblets's land! I call 'Cheese.'"
"Look at me," said the Voice. "I am a deliiiiicious rhinocerous."
"No you're not, the Voice, you're the Voice," I says. "And if robots are not given the right to vote, and live on their ancestral homeland, what is to prevent us from doing the same to Indians, or leprechauns? I challenge your 'Cheese' as a 'Weevil.'"
"Giblets's land is Giblets's land," says Giblets. "It was given to Giblets long ago, by Giblets. In the holy Book of Giblets. Robots don't belong there no matter how long they've lived there, it's Giblets's! Plus let us remember the Robot Terror Wars. I raise to 'Double Cheese' on your 'Weevil' challenge."
"I could be a deliiiiiiicious rhinocerous if I wanted to be," says the Voice.
"No you couldn't the Voice you're the Voice," I said, "and I have always been skeptical of the divine origins of the Book of Giblets. And remember the robots didn't start the Terror Wars, most of that was the Space Clones and Extermino the Living Plague That Lives. I will 'Counter-Weevil' and call 'Cheese or Weevil?'"
"My mom says I can be aaaaanything I wanna be," says the Voice.
"You pro-Robot people always bring up Extermino the Living Plague That Lives!" said Giblets. "The book of Giblets is right and holy and all will bow to it! Bow to the book of Giblets! I reveal 'Cheese.'"
"Awww," I says, "I have 'Weevil.'"
"Haha!" says Giblets. "Victory is mine! And your mother never said that, the Voice. You don't have a mother! You are just a Voice!"
"Awww," says the Voice, "you don love me cause I'm the Voice."
"That's not true the Voice," I said. "We all love you. Look how much love we have! So much love and weevils!"
"We don't love you," says Giblets. "You are awful and bad."
"Not true," I says. "And to make all this up to everyone, I declare a Soupmas! Everyone, let us have delicious soup!"
"We have no soup," said Giblets.
"Awww," says the Voice.
"No soup for Soupmas?" I says. "Awww."
"Awww," says the Voice.
"Still victory!" says Giblets.
"Awww," says me and the Voice, thinkin about soup.
"Awww," says Giblets, later, when he's lookin for soup.
There is definitely a moral to this story and when I remember it I will tell it to everyone.
posted by fafnir at 8:07 PM