The Department of Homeland Security has put us at Orange Alert
Now a lot of you are wonderin "Fafnir I was just gettin fine and cozy at Yellow Alert and now there's this Orange Alert to deal with? I can't handle it man it's too much for me!" Whoa there friend! Slow down all your crazy! Fafnir will explain the top three terror alert codes for you (You will not have to ever worry about the bottom terror alert codes, "Blue," "Green" and "Mello Yello." They are too peaceful and delicious to appear in these troubled times we live in).
All of these have been taken from the Department of Homeland Security website
YELLOW ALERT (high)If you see a suspicious individual around a home or public facility, ask him if he is a terrorist. If he replies "Yes," report him to the FBI.
Unsafe countries: The Middle East, Asia, "Bad" terrorist countries
Safe countries: North America, Europe, "Good" terrorist countries
Number 6 leaving perimeter; elevate Village security
Santa Condition: Fat
ORANGE ALERT (elevated)
If you see a suspicious individual around a home or public facility, ask him if he is a terrorist. If he replies "Yes," report him to the FBI. If he replies "No," shoot him.
Unsafe countries: The Eastern Hemisphere, the Spicy Lands, anything with a "q" in it
Safe countries: United States, Wales, Novia Scotia, McDonaldland
Number 6 has escaped the perimeter; deploy Rover
Santa Condition: Rosy
RED ALERT (woogy)
If you see anyone you don't recognize walking, driving, or breathing out of doors, sieze them, beat them, and take them to the village elder, who will perform The Test.
Unsafe countries: All homes to belonging to Outsiders, for There be Dragons.
Safe countries: Montana
Number 6 has escaped! Evacuate! Evacuate! Evacuate!
Santa Condition: Dangerously Jolly - deploy Counter-Santa Strike Force immediately
Now I hope we understand a little bit more about Orange Alerts and how to cope with them. See? They're not so bad! I'm off to deploy Rover. Number 6 must not escape!