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Friday, December 5, 2003
By now all of you have just heard that America has run out of flu vaccine. "Oh no!" cries America. "I am laid hopeless before the plague of flu!" No America never fear - Fafnir will save you by making more!
Right now I am in the Faflab with Giblets mixing up an emergency batch of flu vaccine for America. We already are adding vital ingredients such as wax tissues an gum into the centrifuge. By morning America you will be safe against the deadly wave of sniffles, coughing, fever, nausea, and other flulike symptoms that accompany the evil bastard known as Flu. But in the meantime you must take precautions! Fafnir cant get his vaccine to you immediately - you must protect yourselves with these vital FAFNIR'S VITAL ANTI-FLU TIPS! DO NOT GET THE FLU. Remember America, prevention is still the best form of medicine. That means no inhalin flu microbes, no lickin strange bathroom tiles, and no eating the flu. I am lookin sternly in your direction, flu-fetish community. KILL ALL RATS ON SIGHT. Remember that they are known to carry the flu and may wheeze on you unexpectedly if they get too close! I AM SORRY RATS I LOVE YOU ALL BUT THIS MUST BE DONE! Also, Eskimos. WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND GETS THE FLU, BURN THEIR BODIES. This can be very difficult for a number of reasons. Sometimes it is hard to accept that you have to part with a loved one. Sometimes the loved one is sayin "Man quit it, stop tryin to burn me man" like Chris is doin now (Chris has the flu I AM SO SORRY CHRIS I WILL MISS YOU SO MUCH) but it is too late for them and you must contain the disease. For more about flu prevention consult the Center for Disease Control.
posted by fafnir at 5:57 PM
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