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Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Christmas is a fool!
I have been shopping for Christmas, and I have been to the mall, and I have partaken of Christmas cheer, and Giblets has this to say: THEY ARE ALL FOR FOOLS! They have failed to please Giblets! I will now enumerate ways in which I failed to be pleased by these things! Then I will invite you to agree with me - WHICH YOU WILL! ITEM THE FIRST: The stores in this so-called "mall" demanded that I pay lucre to them in exchange for their filthy goods! I, Giblets, who own all their goods by right of being Giblets! The mall was claimed by Giblets in the name of Giblets some time ago! You belong to me, mall! Your lucre and goods belong to me! Insolent mall! Who needs your filthy goods anyway they are FILTHY! ITEM THE SECOND: The so-called "Sanda Claws," godling of the mall and Christmas, did not pay proper tribute to Giblets! He instead gave me a pathetic striped confection which was hard and not tasty, when he and his midget slave minions had access to a veritable mountain of shiny boxes and plastic reindeer with which they could present me. The outrage! And might I add that he was not, as his name would imply, a mighty panda of the desert sands, armed with furious claws. Instead he was a woefully unimpressive fat man with a fake beard! Giblets demands better! ITEM THE THIRD: Ugly babies. There are so many of them! Why? ITEM THE FOURTH: I was encouraged by those with me - WHO WILL NOT BE NAMED, for they are being punished by being stricken from the discourse of Giblets - to purchase gifts for others, which would have used up what precious little coin I have and would have defeated the purpose of having a holiday wherein peope give presents (to Giblets). What is wrong with people in this world, when presents are given that are not for Giblets? Are we lost as a people? I do not understand. ITEM THE FIFTH: Giblets's egg nog was drunken, by others who are not Giblets! Giblets needs egg nog! He will not settle for second-rate classes of nog, such as cheese nog and fish nog! A pox on the drinker of my nog! Insolent Christmas. You are for fools!
posted by Giblets at 3:00 PM
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