Thursday, October 2, 2003

It is three-o-somethin and I am gettin ready to start my job as special prosecutor investigating the White House CIA Leak Crime Scandal. I am almost ready to go ask the White House the hard-hitting questions I am so well known for. I have my pen and my pad and my Giblets and my Special Prosecutorial Whacking Stick and my official White House CIA Leak Crime Scandal thermos and mug. But first I need the eye. The eye of the tiger.

So today before I head out I must get sufficiently pumped up.

- DRANK a raw egg in a glass. This actually sounded really gross so I just ended up goin "Hey egg! I'm gonna EAT YOU egg! Yeah egg! EATIN you!" to "psyche it out." The egg was very intimidated.

- ATE a bowl of new PATRIOT WHEATIES with new PATRIOT FLAKES which are red and white and blue and shout things at you like "Be strong for America!" and "Calcium doesn't build strong bones - America does!" and "If we don't fight gingavitis the terrorists have already won!" and "Freedom is part of this complete breakfast!" John Ashcroft the Attorney General of the United States ate four bowls so he could get to the windup President Bush toy at the bottom of the box. He thinks he is blind now but I think he'll be fine.

- WATCHED tv. There was some news stuff on about the White House CIA Leak Crime Scandal that Chris wanted to watch but me and Giblets voted for cartoons featuring an exploding pig instead. Only the finest of televisual news sources can be utilized for a Special Prosecutor, Chris.

I am rested and I am ready and I am going to confront the heart of Washingtonian politics with my unbiased storm of hard-hitting investigatory prowess. And this raw egg. Watch out White House. Cause I've got the eye. Eye of the tiger.
posted by fafnir at 3:15 PM



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