Wednesday, October 1, 2003
So last night I was sittin there, watchin the teevee, yellin at Giblets ("No Giblets, you are a bad Giblets! Stop setting Ed on fire!"), watchin Chris eat chicken (Chris will complain now about how he doesn't eat chicken all the time, about how I only mention him when he is eatin chicken, well if thats true Chris where is the evidence? Where is is written - in Fafblog - "Chris was not eatin chicken"? Nowhere, that's where) when I got a call from a Cabinet Level Official himself - John Ashcroft, the Attorney General of the United States.
"Hello Fafnir," says John Ashcroft the Attorney General of the United States, with Big Flag Music playing. "I am John Ashcroft the Attorney General of the United States."
"John Ashcroft!" I says. "Quick arrest Chris!" He was eatin chicken, which was bad for you Chris it is full of toxins. It was for your own good.
"Okay," says John Ashcroft, and cool scary FBI guys break through the wall and drag off Chris. He'll be OK - they have many vegetarian alternatives in Guantanamo Bay. "But Fafnir - I need your help. I am in a jam - a pickle - a quandry. And ONLY YOU - FAFNIR - can help me."
"John Ashcroft, your flag music is very loud," I says.
"Yes it is," says John Ashcroft, "I have a sound truck follow me around. Fafnir, I need a special prosecutor to investigate a matter of national security, because I am not good enough to do it myself, and because only YOU are good enough and unbiased enough to tackle the case."
"I'll do it John Ashcroft because I love my country and because I love my flag but I still think it can be tastefully accessorized on things like jeans and lunchboxes," I says. "Patriotic lunchboxes."
"Be very careful Fafnir!" says John Ashcroft having to shout now, because the music is so loud it is hurting his ears, "because you are having to investigate the most dangerous house in the world... the WHITE HOUSE!"
"Oooo!" I says.
"Shut up!" says Giblets. Giblets is tryin to watch the innovative reality television parody The Joe Schmoe Show on Spike TV.
posted by fafnir at 3:04 PM