Thursday, May 1, 2008

I knew I forgot to pay one a the bills yesterday but I just thought it was the cable or the internet or somethin an I guess it musta been worse cause when I step outside this mornin somebody's shut off the time. Now everything's happenin all at once an there's all this history spilled all over the lawn. Now I got all these crusaders sackin the mailbox an morlocks hibernatin under the porch an at least a dozen Louis the Sixteenths grazin on the azalea bushes. Look at the mess! I try to clean things up a little by sortin past people an future people into different piles but nobody's helpin out, what with all the drunk Winston Churchhills harassin the cave people an the mastodon steppin on Jesus an the radiation zombies wanderin off to chew on parts of Harry Truman. "This is all your fault, me," says me waggin a finger at yesterday's me. "What'd I do?" says yesterday me standin over by the Lincolns an the ground sloths. Oh, I am hopeless! There's no use explaining it to me, I won't figure it out til I turn into me.

I head down to the bagel shop to clear the air with some bagels but when I get there I'm already there with a bag a bagels. "Hey there me," says me, "mind if I have a bagel?" "Get your own," says me eatin bagels. How rude! I had no idea I was so inconsiderate. I figure I'll just get some bagels myself but the bagel shop happens to be a large sullen-lookin dimetrodon right now an the service is terrible. I pick up a trilobite an some napkins an head back home.

The way back takes a little longer than I figured. There's all these neat little things along the road I hadn't noticed before, like the strip mall an the glacier an the invading army of spacemobots. I get a little lost. By the time I get back one a the plesiosaurs is eatin all the Roosevelts an I have to shoo im off with a rolled-up newspaper. Man it's been a long day! I flop down on the couch an turn on the TV but it's all reruns an ice ages. "You wanna get a movie?" says me to the cave bear. "Hrrruuff," says the cave bear.


posted by fafnir at 8:34 AM

I'd say "first!" but some wise ass from the past will probably comment before me later.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 01, 2008 10:08 AM
What an badly behaved Fafnir future-you is! You must mean more to you than a bagel! I suggest weaning yourself off yourself, the future-you just isn't worth your time, you aren't what you want and if you're you much longer you'll just get more emotionally involved!

However, if you do really like yourself, you could try asking yourself, "Why did I eat those bagels right in front of me" and LISTEN to what you say, and don't buy any of your lines like, "Cause I can't resist poppy seeds!"

You know why? Because you know you're worth it! ;)
Fafnir demonstrates the correct way to pay tribute to the late Albert Hoffman.
They did it, they finally did it! Corporations now charge for the time.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 01, 2008 11:17 AM
This explains everything.
Sure, it's been a long day, but it's also been a short one, and a normal one, and a few weeks, and enough other things it's not worth listing, even on a long day.
if plesiosaurs ate all the roosevelts, then who is on the dime?
if plesiosaurs ate all the roosevelts, then who is on the dime?

Some kinda zeuglodon.
We're all on the dime now.

Or was it then?
Well. This certainly does explain everything to me now. I'd been thinking someone has bee spiking my coffee with LSD, but this seems more reasonable.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 02, 2008 2:36 PM

"Mo" is my new favorite connector syllable!
In the land that time forgot only the forgetful will have time.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 03, 2008 2:34 AM
thanks to wesley snipes you didn't hafta deal with no vampires. when are you gonna return the favor and set up a legal defense fund?
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 03, 2008 9:52 AM
Them trilobites good eatin'?
Just get more money. Time is money. I forget what opium is again.
why do you think they call it dope?

[seriously, it's interesting to look up the history of the word]
Very "Doctor Who" indeed. Or is it more Hitch Hikers Guide :)
by Anonymous Anonymous, at August 16, 2008 5:37 AM


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