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Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Millions were outraged to learn last December that the president had authorized a warrantless domestic spy program in direct violation of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. The news represented a breach of a sacred trust: a violation not only of law, but of one of the most fundamental social contracts in democratic society. This time, the press had gone too far.
Were it not for the New York Times, the American people would never have been menaced by this rogue information. Oh, terrorists would still be aware the U.S. was trying to wiretap them, but they wouldn’t know it was trying to wiretap them illegally. Now that information has fallen into enemy hands, and it could be used to orchestrate the most dangerous attacks on the American government the United States has ever known: censure, Congressional hearings, or even an independent investigation – all of which could prove devastating in the Global War Against the President’s Approval Ratings. And make no mistake, my friends: that is exactly the war we must fight when we confront the teeming terrorist hordes. For how can America’s troops maintain their fighting spirit when their Commander-in-Chief is polling in the mid-thirties? Indeed, just by discussing this we provide aid and comfort to the enemy; the Medium Lobster has committed six counts of treason in this article alone. But at least one senator is finally putting a stop to this horrifying display of free expression. Mike DeWine of Ohio has crafted a bill that will not only make the president’s warrantless wiretapping program legal, but will also prosecute anyone who publishes a story about it. Tragically, Senator DeWine’s bill simply doesn’t go far enough. It’s one thing to ban journalists from talking about the NSA program, but what’s truly needed is a law to prevent the public from thinking about it. Classified information has been leaked to a public that was never meant to know it, and as long as Americans are free to think classified thoughts, they can silently undermine the president in a time of war from deep within seditious skulls. The occupation of America’s frontal lobes by the United States military may be long and costly, but the cause of freedom requires many a sacrifice.
posted by the Medium Lobster at 8:34 PM
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