Monday, April 25, 2005
"Man it sure was different back in the ol days," says Giblets.
"Man it sure was," says me.
"You knew where you stood back in the ol days," says Giblets
"Usually on some kinda box or a carpet maybe," says me.
"A box encrusted with gold and fine jewels that you'd just chuck in the garbage cause everything back then was made a gold and fine jewels," says Giblets.
"An we sung mighty songs of the sun an the sea an the dark dark heart a man," says me.
"And men were men and women were men and gods and titans roamed the land and did battle with pirates!" says Giblets.
"Which ol days were these again?" says me.
"Don't you remember?" says Giblets. "Five hundred years ago, on the planet Zeist?"
NOW!!! THE SECRET ORIGIN!!! OF FAFBLOG!!!
"The planet Zeist is going to explode!" says me.
"Screw the planet Zeist," says Giblets. "The planet Zeist is like the lamest planet ever."
"That's very unfair Giblets," says me. "What about the high technology."
"The high technology has failed us!" says Giblets. "It cannot destroy the world or split the atom or break the speed of light or sound! It cannot even break the speed of horse!"
"Now don't go knockin the space horse," says me. "The space horse was a big improvement on the normal horse on accounta its space helmet."
"The flight capabilities of the space horse leave much to be desired," says Giblets. "And what of the clones! We can only make one of em at a time, they take nine months to grow, and they all look different!"
"But that's important for clone diversity," says me. "An besides we still got the robots."
"Yes, Giblets's mighty robots," says Giblets controllin some robots. "But even the robots fail to satisfy Giblets! Their death rays are inadequate, their cloth exoskeletons leave them vulnerable, and why must they all be hand-operated!"
"That makes em energy efficient," says me. "Isn't that right Socktotron? 'Yes very logical, BEEP!' says Socktotron."
"Socktotron is useless!" says Giblets. "As useless as the planet Zeist!"
"That's not true Giblets," says me. "Remember when he helped us escape the Curse of the Pharoah's Tomb?"
"Well here we are stuck in the pharoah's tomb," says me. "How ever will we escape its terrible curse."
"Nuts to its stupid curse, how are we gonna eat?" says Giblets. "Trapped here with no food, Giblets will starve!"
"You can't be hungry already Giblets, we just ate a whole mummy," says me.
"Mummies are all skin and bandages. They cannot satisfy Giblets!" says Giblets. "And those Egyptologists were nothing but empty calories!"
"I know that we were forced to eat the Egyptologists by terrible circumstance," says me. "Just like we hadda eat the dig crew an the circus an the rescue workers an the rescue workers they sent after the rescue workers. But somehow it still feels sorta wrong."
"It was us or them!" says Giblets. "They would stop at nothing to rescue us... rescue us to death."
"It's all part a the terrifyin yet beautiful struggle we call life," says me. "Like that time we got bombarded with mysterious cosmic rays."
"Well here we are bein bombarded with mysterious cosmic rays," says me.
"Giblets already feels the strength of a thousand Gibletses!" says Giblets.
"I feel like soup," says me. "I think that's my secret power."
"Giblets's power is his power to destroy your soup!" says Giblets. "And to destroy it with mind-beams!"
"Wow, can you do that?" says me.
"Yes, Giblets always beats soup!" says Giblets. "Just like in the game of rock, paper, scissors, Giblets, soup."
"The Giblets option is strangely overpowered in those games," says me.
"Impossible!" says Giblets. "Giblets spent years meticulously researching himself and came to the conclusion that he is awesome. Like all unworthies, soup is annihilated in his presence."
"We'll test it with science," says me. "I'll dissolve this can a soup in a beaker, an then you can dissolve yourself in that beaker, an then we mix the two an observe the chemical reaction."
"This sounds suspiciously stupid!" says Giblets. "Giblets can destroy it with the simple power of his brain. Behold!"
We start beholdin. It takes awhile.
"Is that rust? Am I rustin it?" says Giblets.
"That's a bean," says me.
"Oh," says Giblets. We go back to beholdin.
"Hey," says me. "To pass the time how bout we tell the story a the secret origin a Fafblog."
"Nah, Giblets already heard that one," says Giblets. "Remember the time we revealed the secret origin of Fafblog?"
"And then the reign of the mole men," says me.
"Giblets doesn't remember that," says Giblets.
"An then you say 'Give to Giblets! Give to Giblets NOOOW!'," says me.
"That doesn't sound like somethin Giblets would say at all," says Giblets. "Giblets is a very courteous and polite Giblets."
"But everybody thinks the island is a giant fish an nobody lands on it," says me.
"You have defamed Giblets!" says Giblets. "Retract your Giblibel! Retract your Giblibel NOOOOW!"
"An then Jesus comes back an he's all 'Who's been eatin my porridge' but his three wishes are all used up an he turns back into a pumpkin an by the time the robots show up it is too late," says me.
"This is not the secret origin of Fafblog!" says Giblets. "This is all crap!"
"No it's true," says me. "Don't you remember? Five hundred years ago, on the planet Zeist?"
"No," says Giblets.
"Huh, yknow neither do I," says me. And we go back to watchin cartoons.
Labels: true adventures
posted by fafnir at 7:35 PM