Thursday, March 3, 2005

So the other day I'm watchin the teevee like I do hopin to find enlightening educational material to enhance my understanding of the modern world when all of a sudden I'm lookin at naked people! Real live naked people rubbin up against each other in an almost-convincing simulation of real live sex on my real live television! This isn't the kinda material I expected to see when I purchased my subscription to the Spice Channel.

It gets worse though. Last week I was watchin a documentary on HBO called "Real Sex," which I was lookin forward to seein on accounta I'm a big fan of the documentary genre. So I decided to watch this one thinkin it was about somethin educational like the development of the cotton gin or the lonely life of a depression-era migrant worker an while it had some qualities of both it had a lot of strong sexuality which I found shockin an inappropriate especially as I brought my four young children* in to see the program with me an of course it warped their tiny little developing brains forever. I probably shoulda changed the channel at some point but I kept expectin them to change back to a family-appropriate topic such as the Peloponnesian War or the history of knitting.

If only there was somebody out there ready to step in an protect my squishily vulnerable little mind by regulating cable TV. Maybe the nice folks who wanna protect me from cigarette smoke whenever I go into bars can help me out here!

Perhaps the most horrible betrayal happened on the FX network where I tuned in to see Michael Chiklis apparently reprisin his role as TV's beloved The Commish. But to my horror even the non-threateningly portly guardian of law and order is now out to corrupt my brains with violence, language an adult situations such as in this scene in which the Commish interrogates a hard-boiled Latino gangsta:

"Looks like I might just havta have sex with you into talkin!" says the Commish.
"You just try it copper!" says the hard-boiled Latino gangsta.

Someone must stop the madness but who? Where have you gone Michael Powell? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

*Their names are Faflo, Fafler, Fafamajig, and Moo Cow. Catch all their zany adventures each Saturday morning on "The Fafblog Babies"!
posted by fafnir at 10:05 AM



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