Sunday, June 27, 2004

Giblets is still angry! Angry at Fahrenheit 9/11, the movie so evil and depraved it has caused Giblets to foam in insensate rage without having seen it. But now Giblets has a means of giving voice to his wordless rage, a vehicle for his footless fury! Giblets brings you: the anti-documentary documentary!

It would have been easy for Giblets to engage Moore on a "debate on the issues" he raises in his movies. It would have been so easy for Giblets to say "why, America's culture of irrational fear and hate actually lowers the level of gun violence in the country" or "layoffs make people happy," refuting two of his film's key theses. But that would be playing into Moore's hands! His fat, traitorous hands.

So instead of making a clever, funny documentary promoting conservative views Giblets has decided to make a documentary that is specifically limited to attacking one guy with no power over his life whose opinions piss him off. Giblets calls it "Michael Moore the Fat Hateful Traitor Versus Giblets the Beautiful Loving Patriot." In it I expose the following reasons to hate Michael Moore:

  • He is fat!
  • He lies!*
  • Again, he is fat!
  • He is rich - but being a liberal you'd think he was poor!
  • He has a very big ego!
  • He is so fat! I mean, whew! We are talkin' like orca fat.
  • He is not Rush Limbaugh!

    Giblets is pretty happy with the product. But it has gotten him thinking, what if Moore follows up with an anti-anti-documentary documentary documentary, such as "Giblets is a Short Bitter Little Weasel Who Lies About Me" (which would all be lies, Giblets is quite tall, handsome, and benevolent to all living things)? Giblets would have to counter with a good solid anti-anti-anti-documentary documentary documentary documentary, probably something like "Michael Moore is a Horrible Pig Who Has Lied About Giblets's Documentary About His Documentary."

    The other tactic was to make a pro-anti-Moore-person documentary, something like "Ann Coulter is a Beautiful Human Being." But after fact-checking we had to change the name to "Ann Coulter is Not Actually a Poisonous Child-Eating Reptile," which didn't test as well.

    *"lies" may or may not refer to actual lies, unsubstantiated rumors, or lies about lies
  • posted by Giblets at 9:23 PM



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