Friday, June 25, 2004

Giblets is angry! Angry at Al Gore!

Yesterday Al Gore delivered a crazy hate-filled speech filled with crazy hate. While Giblets did not see the speech he did notice it on that first outpost of modern journalism The Drudge Report, which referred to it as "MOOOOOOOORE GOOOOOORE ROOOOOOAAAR!" and accompanied it with several stock photos of Gore at his reddest and blotchiest. Giblets did not see the speech or in fact read it in its entirety but he can only imagine Gore delivered it topless and sweatily, screeching and heaving from limb to limb like an enormous ape. Terrifying!

But it was not just Gore's insane performance which theoretically troubled Giblets as he read diligent newsman Matt Drudge's dry summation. It was Gore's shrill, hate-filled rhetoric which chilled Giblets to his tiny, Gibletsian bones:
I am convinced that our founders would counsel us today that the greatest challenge facing our republic is not terrorism but how we react to terrorism, and not war, but how we manage our fears and achieve security without losing our freedom. I am also convinced that they would warn us that democracy itself is in grave danger if we allow any president to use his role as commander in chief to rupture the careful balance between the executive, the legislative and the judicial branches of government. Our current president has gone to war and has come back into "the city" and declared that our nation is now in a permanent state of war, which he says justifies his reinterpretation of the Constitution in ways that increase his personal power at the expense of Congress, the courts, and every individual citizen.

Oh the feverish hate puring out of that man! Well, Giblets is not going to tolerate a hate-filled crazy person with nothing to do but lower the level of discourse with these meditations on the dangers of the elevation of wartime executive power. Thank God Giblets knows he's crazy and can accordingly ignore anything he says.

Giblets will now close with multiple images of Gore looking crazy and fat (these may actually be of that chick turning into a blueberry from "Willy Wonka," Giblets promises nothing).
posted by Giblets at 1:12 PM



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