Freedom On The Lurch

VICTOREEEEEEEEE! After nineteen years of bombs and wars and torture and bombs and torture and ethnic cleansing and torture, America's mission in Iraq has finally been re-reaccomplished through the miracle of symbolic purple-fingered brown people! Oh sure, all the cynics and the critics and the nattering nabobs of payingattentionism will say "Oh but Giblets haven't we had five or six of these already, what makes these purple fingers different from previous purple fingers" and the answer to that is shut up. These purple fingers are the most purplest-fingeriest purple fingers to ever have been symbolically purpled! They stand as unique and compelling evidence of our nation's sincere generational commitment to transform a brutal impoverished dictatorship into a brutal, more impoverished dictatorship by freeing Iraq from the deadly menace of Iraqis.

And with that under our belt it's time for America to pull up its pants, smack the dust off its hands, stuff a million dead Iraqis into the national crawlspace and move on.¹ Wait! What's that! Is that the sound of a desperate Iran being terrorized by Iranians? Looks like a job for America!

_{1. Except for fifty thousand non-combat troops, who are to remain behind to shoot people and bomb things in a non-combat capacity.}