Things I will not do the next time I live through 2004

tell anyone "you can't fire me, I quit!" before anyone has actually fired me or made me quit

spend the first two genie wishes on "make me a monkey" or "now make him dance"

vote for a constitutional amendment before I know whose rights it strips away

send Santa letters to the president

send Santa letters to Secret Service agents replying to the Santa letters to the president

mix mercury and insecticide. very bad! mercury goes in the green fish, insecticide goes in the red fish. keep our chemicals sorted.

forget whether torture is "good" or "bad" during a presidential election

freely substitute Cool-Whip and shaving cream

reelect George Bush, then patiently wait for him to radically change his foreign and domestic policy

open my eyes at any time; the scary part does not end