tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52055582012-01-20T17:23:29.078-05:00This is a good blog. This is the best blog. It is about god and the universe and those horrible screaming monkeys and the time I made a pizza out of an old tire and a can of whip cream. This is the Fafblog.fafnirnoreply@blogger.comBlogger9661100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-49803510010163632372011-11-08T11:03:00.000-05:002011-11-08T11:04:46.459-05:00

Back in a bit.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-68701735223570664922011-09-28T09:09:00.002-04:002011-09-28T09:13:42.038-04:00

"Now is there any new business," says Giblets."Well the boat's sinking," says me."Giblets seems to recall that coming up at the last meeting," says Giblets, "which would make that old business.""Well it's more sinking-er than it was last time," says me. "That's kind of new.""And under Old Business we agreed to form a Boat Sinking Committee to launch an investigation into the possibility of making

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-41607612650189630602011-09-12T08:06:00.003-04:002011-09-12T14:33:41.271-04:00

As it happens, there's another universe in the back of the closet next to the bookshelf in the spare room. It's nearly identical to ours, except that in this universe, 9/11 never happened.* Everything else is the same: George Bush, Barack Obama, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Yemen, Guantanamo, Bagram, the torture networks, the secret prisons, and on and on - but there were no planes crashed into the

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-19769369896251157122011-09-11T11:26:00.001-04:002011-09-11T11:26:57.346-04:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-10737330099609958852011-05-02T12:44:00.001-04:002011-05-02T12:46:12.042-04:00

After years of groaning unemployment and morbid obesity, America has rediscovered its love of life by killing a thing. While the thing had killed other things, it had frequently killed the wrong kinds of things, in the wrong kinds of ways, and it was important, America felt, to kill it, along with several hundred thousand other things, to stress the point. "There is a long and honorable tradition

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com60tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-66489869395683075472011-03-23T11:21:00.002-04:002011-03-23T15:49:46.395-04:00

Freedom! If there's one thing America loves, it's... well, war. But if there's two things America loves, it's war and torture. But if there's three things America loves, it's war, torture, and genocide. But if there are several dozen things America loves, they are war, torture, genocide, chattel slavery, apartheid, ethnic cleansing, assassination, poverty, institutionalized bribery,

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-41151425316778589682011-01-31T10:38:00.001-05:002011-01-31T10:40:38.056-05:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-54438615189825885242010-11-18T10:42:00.001-05:002010-11-18T10:42:48.730-05:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com50tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-38120746692277855392010-10-12T10:11:00.005-04:002010-10-12T10:31:54.664-04:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-2997346351952875342010-09-15T08:21:00.002-04:002010-09-15T08:25:53.710-04:00

"If you had to do it all over again what would you do different?" says me."Nothing!" says Giblets. "Giblets has no regrets!""I think I'd travel more or go back to art school or maybe not drive the car off that cliff back when you said 'Hey Fafnir let's drive this car off that cliff'," says me."Oh, so we're back to this again!" says Giblets. "That was like, eight whole seconds ago. Let it go

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-16276567513165767062010-08-03T17:51:00.001-04:002010-08-03T18:01:36.128-04:00

See you in September.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-56915489917585481152010-06-03T12:57:00.002-04:002010-06-03T15:33:25.427-04:00

Well now. Israel, the Palestinians, and Gaza. It's a sad story, and we're terribly sorry about it all, of course, feeling pronounced Official Regret in our pronounced Official Regretbones, and we feel compelled at this juncture to demand a request for an investigation into the possibility of an inquiry into the formation of a select bipartisan panel looking into whether or not to request an

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-8954601013171828852010-04-30T10:01:00.001-04:002010-04-30T10:03:05.038-04:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-19463392138214487992010-04-09T09:04:00.001-04:002010-04-09T09:06:48.617-04:00

"If you could wish for one wish from all the wishes you could wish, what would you wish?" says Giblets."Well yknow I always thought the world'd be a better place if people could communicate better," says me, "which is why I developed Fafsperanto, the universal language made from English and Spanish and Urdu and Mandarin and rhythmic elephant trumpeting.""Shut up Giblets doesn't care!" says

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-70585661567321319462010-04-07T10:04:00.001-04:002010-04-07T10:08:57.568-04:00

Literally tens of Americans were shocked this week to discover that the United States military likes to kill people. Unsettling news, yes, particularly for those of us who had assumed in good faith that one million Iraqis had accidentally slipped on a banana peel one morning and fallen into a pile of mislaid cruise missiles, but before we leap to all sorts of unsightly conclusions, calling Our

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-27445649657592264422010-04-05T12:16:00.002-04:002010-04-05T12:20:39.550-04:00

We are at war with Pakistan, bombing and killing thousands of people who might otherwise object to our war with Pakistan, which is urgent and vital and necessary to secure the success of our war with Afghanistan, in which we are bombing and killing thousands of people who might otherwise object to our war with Afghanistan, which is urgent and vital and necessary to secure the success of our war

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-7773693129718614422010-04-01T13:55:00.002-04:002010-04-02T00:20:25.721-04:00

APRIL FOOLS! WOKKA WOKKA!

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-28155852206144909522010-03-25T13:09:00.000-04:002010-03-25T13:10:27.316-04:00

"You know what day it is today?" says me."It's the Feast of the Martyrdom of Saint Willig, patron saint of haberdashers and turnips," says Giblets."It's our blog's very own birthday!" says me. "Seven years of uninterrupted journalistic excellence!""No, no, I'm pretty sure it's just Saint Willig," says Giblets flippin through a liturgical calendar. "Martyred on this day in 1309 while choking on a

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-80327144333295030222010-03-23T13:03:00.000-04:002010-03-23T13:04:30.505-04:00

AND NOW!!! FAFBLOG PRESENTS!! HISTORY'S AMERICA'S FINEST PRESIDENTS!!!William Henry HarrisonPresident McCheesePrezbot from the short-lived 80s sitcom Prezbot!, about the break-dancing presidential robot who breakdances and is president and is also a robotJesus

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-20070760641614313812010-03-16T08:56:00.000-04:002010-03-16T08:57:13.346-04:00

So I guess I musta slept late or forgot the alarm or hit the snooze too many times or somethin cause when I wake up this mornin I'm in the future. The future's a lot like the present only it's older and more used up. The streets are dusty and the the cars are pre-crashed and the ground's retired and the sky's closed for repairs so most people just stay inside and break things at home. I go out to

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-32805330580734985052010-03-12T11:31:00.001-05:002010-03-12T11:31:41.277-05:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-36401686579541785482010-03-11T11:03:00.001-05:002010-03-11T15:19:39.279-05:00

It took seven years, three trillion dollars and a million corpses, but America has finally transformed Iraq from a cruel dictatorship ruled by torture and ethnic cleansing into a cruel dictatorship ruled by torture and ethnic cleansing where select survivors are free to vote for the torturer of their choice. And Jesus said "It is accomplished!"Is Iraq a democracy? Of course not. But is it close

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-77260230287198354632010-03-08T18:46:00.000-05:002010-03-08T18:47:43.129-05:00

"Maybe we can outsmart global warming with gumption and can-do and thousands of tiny robots!" says me."Maybe all we need is a simple technological solution, like installing blinds on the sky or an off switch for the sun," says Giblets."Maybe we could flip the continents over when they get hot in the summertime," says me. "I bet they're nice and cool on the other side.""Maybe if the oceans start

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-76778158974138597712010-03-08T15:58:00.001-05:002010-03-08T18:04:32.062-05:00

VICTOREEEEEEEEE! After nineteen years of bombs and wars and torture and bombs and torture and ethnic cleansing and torture, America's mission in Iraq has finally been re-reaccomplished through the miracle of symbolic purple-fingered brown people! Oh sure, all the cynics and the critics and the nattering nabobs of payingattentionism will say "Oh but Giblets haven't we had five or six of these

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-38499100503737253272010-02-18T08:50:00.002-05:002010-02-18T09:03:45.346-05:00

So a coupla Israeli guys are hangin around in Dubai, havin a good time, checkin out the place, seein the sights, that building that looks like a boat, that island that's shaped like a bigger island, get a few drinks, catch a show, kill a Palestinian, maybe grab a coupla souvenirs for the kids an hit the road. Oh wait! Wait a second! Something went wrong there! Something happened there that was

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-40008780695057217632010-02-18T08:37:00.000-05:002010-02-18T08:38:38.934-05:00

Help save Gary Farber! He is like the internet's whooping crane - rare, majestic, and endangered due to habitat loss. Please click through and give whatever you can.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-34892039275218865772010-02-16T11:42:00.003-05:002010-02-16T13:08:50.642-05:00

We know that Barack Obama, in his heart of hearts, truly wants Real Change. We can tell this by examining the furrows of his brow as he squints meaningfully into the middle distance, by carefully measuring the sincerity-per-pixel count of his campaign posters, by reflecting on the inspirational Martin Luther King quotes he delicately intones before carpet-bombing an Afghan village. But we also

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-26867376937554598512010-02-14T23:16:00.003-05:002010-02-14T23:21:01.490-05:00

Just because you never dated him doesn't mean he can't stalk you once you've dumped him.

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-41875510618570433522010-01-21T13:04:00.001-05:002010-01-21T13:04:23.176-05:00

"Yknow it's always darkest before the dawn," says me."Unless the sun blows up," says Giblets. "Cause now that the sun's blown up it's just always darkest before it gets more dark.""Well I guess so," says me. "But even then you got the bright side a the sun blowin up, like no more sunburns an cheaper parkin at the beach an more job opportunities for our friends in the vampire community.""You talk

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-32447542149945761102010-01-18T10:48:00.001-05:002010-01-18T10:50:09.699-05:00

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-46087276684465469882010-01-14T08:06:00.004-05:002010-01-14T08:18:44.400-05:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-17361323438289336562009-12-21T20:13:00.000-05:002009-12-21T20:14:15.926-05:00

AND NOW!!! THE TOP TEN THINGS!!! OF THE ZEROES!!!"Well let's see," says me. "Number ten is... what's number ten...""You can't think of anything," says Giblets."Sure I can," says me. "I just need a little more time.""The zeroes were stupid and awful and stupid and bad and you can't think of ten things in them that weren't," says Giblets."Number ten is air!" says me. "Everybody likes air. It's fun

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-26177075789195154722009-12-04T08:53:00.002-05:002009-12-04T08:56:36.436-05:00

There was supposed to be a pie here, a flaky fresh-baked apple pie, but it's not here, and if it's not here then it's gone, and if it's gone then somebody took it, and if somebody took it then it's stolen - stolen by a walrus.Oh you know all about walruses, all about them and their thieving walrus ways. You bet that walrus is having a grand old time right now with all its walrus buddies - telling

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-18688525967333599922009-12-02T10:26:00.000-05:002009-12-02T10:27:03.146-05:00

"You think there's life on other planets?" says me."Nah, Giblets checked already," says Giblets."Are you sure?" says me. "Maybe you missed a spot.""Sure I'm sure," says Giblets. "Here, lemme show you. Hey! Hey you! You up there! Hey! Hey you! You! Hey! Hey you!"We wait around a while. "See?" says Giblets. "Nothin.""Maybe they're just a little shy," says me."Nuts to your shy!" says Giblets. "If

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-87138173292015431512009-12-01T09:49:00.003-05:002009-12-12T15:04:33.728-05:00

Let us never forget just what's at stake in the war in Afghanistan: nothing less than the success of the war in Afghanistan. This war may be a mistake, a blood-soaked blunder, an unholy charnel house mindlessly consuming the bodies and souls of untold thousands, an open sore on the pockmarked face of history and an abomination before the sight of God and men, but it is first and foremost a war,

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-29270642111228784352009-11-14T09:54:00.001-05:002009-11-14T09:56:00.358-05:00

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and four of his friends are going to stand trial! It's taken about six and a half years for this to happen, during which they were all presumably kept waiting in the parlor of a sumptuous mansion along with the Colonel, the Countess, the jewel thief, the butler and the maid while a brilliant but eccentric sleuth attempted to discern the identity of the true culprit through

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-89326040002050006952009-11-13T08:34:00.001-05:002009-11-13T08:36:36.639-05:00

Had Nidal Malik Hasan been launched from a remotely-piloted Predator drone into a Pakistani funeral procession, it would have been a bold victory in the War on Terror; had the major been dropped onto a village in Waziristan or fired into an Afghan wedding party, it would have represented an efficient and effective display of tactical military superiority; had he exploded in a shower of cluster

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-58888000739216833532009-11-02T18:40:00.002-05:002009-11-04T18:52:46.754-05:00

Well the bridge is out and the road is closed and the cops're after us and the feds're after the cops and the bagman got run over by the driver and the driver got eaten by the bear and nobody's sure who put the bear in charge anyway, you never put the bear in charge, it has terrible interpersonal skills, and the case in the back a the trunk a the car containing the canvas of Ernst's L'Ange du

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-40906848394815106972009-10-31T15:18:00.002-04:002009-10-31T15:22:37.212-04:00

What are you doing sitting there! It's Halloween! Run out into the woods and go to Devil-Church!

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-77735871703642105232009-10-09T09:46:00.006-04:002009-12-12T15:04:54.351-05:00

Obama Wins 2009 Nobel Peace PrizeAt Least 80 Killed as US Drones Attack South Waziristan Funeral ProcessionIn other news, the Nobel Prize for Literature was awarded to a man who set fire to a library and then promised to write a book about it.

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-66993839395619311032009-10-08T14:25:00.003-04:002009-10-09T22:45:22.624-04:00

Q: Is Iran a threat?A: Oh yes. Even as we speak Iran is potentially starting the beginnings of a very possibly quite almost-real hypothetically nuclear weapons program!Q: Oh no! How many nuclear weapons does Iran already have?A: Counting warheads, ICBMs, mid- and long-range missiles, ABMs, tactical nukes, bunker-busters and submarine-based weaponry, the full nuclear arsenal of Iran at this moment

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-6845413780426004562009-09-14T08:01:00.001-04:002009-09-14T08:03:36.066-04:00

"Once upon a time there was a fafnir and a giblets, and their names were Fafnir and Giblets," says me."Giblets can't relate to these characters," says Giblets. "Who do they come from and where are they going and what are their hopes and their dreams and their dark and buried pasts? Giblets demands backstory!""And they were pirates and spacemen and industrial chemical mixers who sailed the sea and

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-29832443079918892512009-09-04T20:30:00.003-04:002009-09-04T22:52:23.492-04:00

On the bright side, though, the Mayan zombie gods should wipe us all out in just a couple years.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com67tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-85199309129539614792009-07-01T12:53:00.000-04:002009-07-01T15:57:45.838-04:00

This week the United States moved ever closer to completing its daring humanitarian mission in Iraq: to slowly and grudgingly leave the country, after paying local residents not to kill them, after spending a very long time killing those residents by any means possible, after failing to recruit those residents to work for them, after invading their country and destroying its infrastructure. And

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-43672599562605541872009-06-22T10:13:00.000-04:002009-06-22T10:14:30.201-04:00

"How long you think we got before the end of the world?" says me."Forever!" says Giblets. "We'll outlast the universe with nothing but gumption and can-do and thousands of tiny robots!""It's true!" says me. "A year before the end of the world we will solve the everything shortage through the invention of a miraculous device that can make anything out of simple air and dirt!""Now all we need is a

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-80011654238729441472009-06-22T09:10:00.000-04:002009-06-22T10:12:28.685-04:00

"There's a bomb somewhere in the city, and it's going to go off in twenty-four hours!""Oh no!""Get me the president!""We don't know the president.""Then get me the vice-president!""We don't know him either.""Well how bout our local city councilman? We can start up a petition or a letter-writing campaign!""It'll be an adventure... in civics!""There's a bomb somewhere in this kitchen, and it's

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-35539029155899556362009-06-03T10:50:00.001-04:002009-06-03T10:52:04.225-04:00

What happened here? We step out for just half a year or so, and all of you turn into Chinese spam? So sad.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com61tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-60635110557548279912009-02-19T11:38:00.000-05:002009-02-19T13:41:21.945-05:00

Ah, Israel, the holy land, light unto the nations! Barely a month after valiantly killing 1300 Gazans, maiming and wounding thousands more, and leaving the rest for dead in an open-air prison, Israel has stood up for its right to stand up to other people's rights by forming its most hawkish possible government. A lesser nation might have wavered in the face of a merciless Palestinian onslaught of

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-66874831428076763402009-02-02T08:29:00.002-05:002009-02-03T11:54:51.804-05:00

"The earth will quake and the sea will boil and the moon will be as blood and every knee shall bow before the coming of the Fafblocalypse!" says Giblets."Or we could take the bus home," says me."The bus is damned!" says Giblets. "It is dumb and lame and smells like bus-smell and its name shall be struck from the Book of Life which is the second death!""I don't see a book a life," says me goin

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-21673227488423478332009-01-22T11:36:00.006-05:002010-03-20T23:44:02.278-04:00

We'll be back to regular blogging on Monday. Don't anybody inaugurate any new presidents or ethnically cleanse any Mideast ghettos while we're gone!UPDATE! Monday has been rescheduled for Wednesday on account of bird flu.UPDATE UPDATE! Wednesday has been rescheduled for Thursday because of its more amenable patron deity.UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! Thursday has been postponed til Friday 'cause you know

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-37931762635943557232009-01-17T12:49:00.001-05:002009-01-17T12:50:56.299-05:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-53866340563265317422009-01-01T21:49:00.003-05:002010-03-20T23:44:24.635-04:00

It should come as no surprise that this blog has been nominated for a Pretend Internet Award® in recognition of its tireless devotion to journalistic excellence, largely coherent grammar and qualified relationship to linear time. Our writers are even now being flown in a private jet to the awards ceremony along with such fellow luminaries as Andrew Sullivan, BritneyBlog and several recycled

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-54890643430987730702008-12-08T10:11:00.000-05:002008-12-08T10:12:12.031-05:00

So I'm headin out to the store to get some popcorn when a snowstorm hits town an freezes me in a block a ice. A coupla thousand years later I get thawed out by some friendly sciencebots diggin through the arctic tundra who label me an ship me to my new home at the Franklin D. Schwarzenegger Museum of Disposable History where I dazzle and amaze the children of tomorrow with the edutaining puppet

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-69434351764291364642008-11-12T19:48:00.003-05:002008-11-12T23:50:55.659-05:00

Look, up in the sky! Just there over the mountains and under the clouds and behind the pulleys and levers they use to raise and lower the sun there's the shine of a plate and a flaky brown crust and the sweet smell of fresh fruit filling and could it be... could it be pie?Now dogs are barkin and kids are pointin and grown men are fallin over in the street and the president is on the TV goin Hey

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com61tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-51898947200293987492008-11-05T13:22:00.006-05:002009-12-12T15:05:38.387-05:00

As of last night, Barack Obama has now become for the first time in American history the very first African-American to be elected Jesus. Now everything will be better forever HOORAAAAAAY! Except if you're gay.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-79849000060444828532008-11-04T14:59:00.005-05:002008-11-04T15:21:29.422-05:00

Well it's sure been a whirlwind two-and-a-half years, but election day's already here! Before Campaign '08 finally wraps up let's stop and take a last look at the swing states we'll be hearin about all night long.IRAQPopulation: 29 millionBig issues: gas prices, the economy, explosion reformMajor swing demographics: Joe the insurgent, Joe the government-employed death squad member, Joe the sad

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-70984643183907761232008-11-03T18:29:00.002-05:002008-11-04T14:59:46.072-05:00

"Maybe global warming won't be so bad after all," says me. "Like maybe Bangladesh'll like bein underwater. If you think about it havin your country flooded is kinda like spendin every day at the beach!""Maybe it's a glass-half-full kinda thing," says Giblets. "Like scientists are always going on about how lots of people are gonna die from famine and disease. But you know what you never hear them

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-72295343691803065972008-11-02T10:37:00.000-05:002008-11-02T10:38:18.505-05:00

FAFBLOG: First of all I want to say thank you, John McCain, for choosing to give your last major interview before the election right here on our little blog!JOHN MCCAIN: Thank you, my friends. The honor is all mine.FB: Now let's get right down to it. Why should you be president?MCCAIN: One word, my friends: leadership. As a Navy pilot I was shot down over Vietnam, as a member of the United States

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-66270706767230115852008-10-31T13:22:00.001-04:002008-10-31T13:24:36.026-04:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-54423359987302813802008-10-15T16:32:00.002-04:002008-10-15T16:36:38.610-04:00

This is pretty much like the last post, only you have to read it in the Received Pronunciation.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-92196436609684933502008-10-14T12:09:00.002-04:002008-10-14T12:14:57.874-04:00

So ever since this election switched from practical bread-and-butter issues like how much Democrats are going to tax Jesus to fund their gay-married abortion babies to fluff like "the economy" and "the recession" and "the apocalyptic collapse of global capitalism" it looks like everybody's gonna vote for Barack Obama. Well good for you, see if Giblets cares, Giblets doesn't care about the stupid

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-67357509041009476222008-10-11T12:44:00.002-04:002008-10-11T12:46:42.204-04:00

You are fucked in the head.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-43271938204903949122008-09-30T15:25:00.000-04:002008-09-30T15:26:23.286-04:00

"Maybe the glaciers aren't melting at all," says me. "Maybe it's just a coupla fat guys who keep tryin to go ice skatin at the same time.""Maybe it's like that episode of the Twilight Zone where everybody thinks it's getting hotter but it's all a dream and outside the dream it's really getting colder!" says Giblets. "Boy, would we feel stupid then!""Maybe God parked the earth out in the sunny

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-3344504234883701882008-09-29T09:55:00.002-04:002008-09-30T15:26:48.773-04:00

NASA's lost contact with the elephant and nobody's really sure why. Ground control says it's because of an improperly synchronized transponder on board the Hesperus II, the multi-billion dollar experimental space capsule designed to test the effects of weightlessness on elephants. The elephant says it's an attempt to escape a nightmarish future dystopia ruled by savage warrior apes. They agree

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-51538951176264040262008-09-11T10:22:00.001-04:002008-09-11T10:26:15.547-04:00

"Well we sure learned our lesson," says me standin in the middle a the smoke an the rubble an the burnin burnin cities, "and that's to never blow up someone else's country again.""Unless there's a real good reason," says Giblets, "like self-defense or preemptive self-defense or defense from self-defense or revenge.""Oh well a course there's self-defense," says me. "I mean just cause we wanna stop

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-2341198120049875872008-09-09T12:59:00.001-04:002008-09-09T14:12:02.072-04:00

Well there's a brand new political superstar on the scene and she's tough as nails and the media won't leave her alone and she's a rough-and-tumble Alaskan hockey mom and why are they asking all these questions and she is the pure reincarnation of the invincible Anglo-Saxon frontier earth mother and stop picking on her! So maybe Sarah Palin doesn't have all that much "experience." Maybe she

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-30844921212694672872008-09-01T10:08:00.002-04:002008-09-01T10:08:57.472-04:00

Things are looking up for John McCain. Last week ended with a bang with the announcement of his fresh-faced new running mate Sarah Palin, who should provide McCain many more years of extended existence through gradual consumption of her life force, and, if needed, a new host body should his current vessel fail him. But McCain's true masterstroke is his planned convention trip to the permanently

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-64606285255994908742008-08-21T07:44:00.002-04:002008-08-21T08:03:32.431-04:00

Right here.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-22993450080401339622008-08-20T22:28:00.001-04:002008-08-21T00:29:51.211-04:00

Attention everything! You are stupid and flabby and pointless and have not been pulling your weight and giving one hundred and twelve percent and with the growth in the last quarter and the new industry realities and the productivity and the GDP and the whatnot a lot of you have to go. Shut up Giblets is talking! The following things are fired, effective immediately! Pack yourselves up and file

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-46424607951226678082008-08-19T12:52:00.002-04:002008-08-19T13:01:48.619-04:00

While the Democratic veepstakes is being driven largely by a search for qualities like Strength, Experience, and other ways to say Penishood, Republicans this year will be looking for candidates with a kind of energy or vitality, what the French call a certain having-a-pulseness. Once again we ask: who has what it takes? Who can check if the president's still breathing at a state dinner while

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-91798825587942398492008-08-19T11:03:00.002-04:002009-12-12T15:07:24.620-05:00

So everybody's goin "oh who's gonna be Barack Obama's vice president" an "when's Obama gonna tell me about his vice president" an "PLEASE MAKE ME VICE PRESIDENT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE." Well we here at Fafblog Election Central have been workin on this with our super journalistic superpowers and are right now in the possession of Barack Obama's final and ultimate list of Vice President Choices which

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-6116928051645801802008-07-28T13:36:00.003-04:002009-12-12T15:06:11.056-05:00

Change is in the air - bright new shiny change, lemon-scented and shrink-wrapped to preserve freshness, and its bold laminated name is Barack Obama! Oh sure, all the lefties and the liberals and the constitution-coddlers are whining and moaning about Obama right now. Well maybe he's no "liberal Jesus." Maybe he's been "moving to the right" a little lately. Maybe he wants to "restrict abortion

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-39078750841229873562008-07-10T09:58:00.002-04:002008-07-10T10:01:33.141-04:00

Ah, the vice-presidency! From visiting second-tier foreign dignitaries to waiting for the president to die, this linchpin of the modern democratic nation-state is a role that can't be filled by just anyone. Indeed, this is a job calls for nothing less than the most highly-cultivated political window-dressing money can buy. Who has the experience? Who's pretty - but not so pretty they kind of look

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-58773595785574188482008-07-09T18:56:00.000-04:002008-07-09T18:57:00.608-04:00

"When Jesus died for our sins did he die for gorilla sins too?" says me. "Gorilla sin contains 97.7% of the same sin as regular sin.""Nah, Jesus can't handle stuff like apular envy and orangutangular lust," says Giblets. "You need Gorilla Jesus for that.""Gorilla Jesus was created in an accident of mad Jesus science," says me, "when a test ape launched to earth in an experimental God rocket was

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-20549626497073465462008-07-09T17:54:00.000-04:002008-07-09T18:55:40.371-04:00

Monthly is a bad posting schedule for a blog.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-44973102873570270972008-06-01T09:59:00.001-04:002008-06-01T10:00:59.764-04:00

So now everybody's all "oh, Hillary Clinton can't win the nomination" and "oh, Hillary Clinton can't be president" and "oh, Hillary Clinton, haven't they sedated her yet." Well that's just talking crazy talk! There's tons a stuff that can happen between now and the convention to make Hillary Clinton the nominee, so you just cheer up, Hillary Clinton people! Here's just a few of the many electoral

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com84tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-87432602455852218992008-05-13T13:37:00.000-04:002008-05-13T17:03:40.120-04:00

FAFBLOG: Wow, Hillary Clinton, right here on our little blog! Well, we don't want to waste your time so let's cut to the chase! Why should we vote for you for president?HILLARY CLINTON: One word, Fafnir: experience. I have thirty-five years of experience working for change, building a list of accomplishments so lengthy and impressive no one else even knows what they are. Why, I could go on for

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com84tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-70779760218082091722008-05-01T11:07:00.000-04:002008-05-01T11:10:37.633-04:00

1. Is there an emergency?   a. Yes!      - Quick! Break glass in case of emergency.         - Oh no, now I'm all cut and bleeding on this broken glass!            - Sounds like an emergency! Quick, break more glass.      - Okay, I broke the glass! Now what?         - Oh no, what'd you do that for! You needed that glass for the emergency!            - Oh, what do I do now!               - Quick,

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-90088599240190124532008-05-01T08:34:00.001-04:002008-05-01T08:35:45.201-04:00

I knew I forgot to pay one a the bills yesterday but I just thought it was the cable or the internet or somethin an I guess it musta been worse cause when I step outside this mornin somebody's shut off the time. Now everything's happenin all at once an there's all this history spilled all over the lawn. Now I got all these crusaders sackin the mailbox an morlocks hibernatin under the porch an at

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-65765344614562276992008-04-15T19:08:00.003-04:002008-05-01T08:36:09.436-04:00

It's time for another edition of BARACK OBAMA: THE FINAL THROES! Last week Giblets revealed the dangerous levels of pussification inherent in Obama's bowling skills and orange juice consumption while exploring the damage done by persistent rumors that the senator is secretly black. But this latest scandal has doomed the Obama campaign more than any dooming doom that has doomed it before, because

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com70tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-27430886065850518852008-04-15T16:43:00.000-04:002008-04-16T11:49:38.234-04:00

When the Mainstream Media and the Establishment Press and the Corporate Zombie News Octopus ignore the real story, there's only one independent source you can trust - and that source is Giblets! Behold the power of Giblets World News Update!ITEM! Last week George Bush said for the first time that he personally approved the torture of prisoners held in U.S. custody. And right now there's only one

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-63659387828483690082008-04-08T11:37:00.001-04:002008-04-09T08:04:04.451-04:00

So for the last five years all the liberals and the hippies and the nattering nabobs of normalcy have been coming up to Giblets and going "Was the war a mistake Giblets?" and "Are we losing the war Giblets?" and "Oh look at all the dead people Giblets, maybe we should stop the war." And the correct answers to these questions have been "Shut up," "Shut up you traitor," and "We'd be winning already

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com55tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-55211139955614089622008-04-03T09:57:00.002-04:002008-11-06T13:36:54.213-05:00

Special multiple choice edition. Check all that apply!Nothing less will stop the monster in the closet from allying with the boogeyman under the bed to form a sinister new Axis of SpookyTo gently massage foreign dictatorships into stable liberal democracies through the subtle and delicate eastern art of acubombingAll the older presidents an senators were all hangin out in the boys room an lookin

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-82751081939887856222008-04-01T00:21:00.002-04:002008-04-01T00:26:03.775-04:00

"Screw this dump!" says Giblets. "This universe is old and fat and smells like smelling and Giblets is busting out!""Should we go over the wall or take the tunnel?" says me. I been diggin a tunnel."Nuts to the tunnel!" says Giblets. "What we do is we make like we're sick. Then when God comes in to check on us we punch im in the liver an run out the door!""They'll be on the lookout so we're gonna

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com134tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-53715803845692649432008-04-01T00:01:00.001-04:002008-04-01T00:03:07.886-04:00

You totally blinked.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1152813607849747282006-07-12T16:45:00.001-04:002008-03-25T10:39:51.220-04:00

Giblets takes a few weeks away from the blog and the whole world goes insane! After four years of justly convicting Guantanamo prisoners of classified crimes before a fair and impartial kangaroo court of their peers, a power-mad Supreme Court has ruled that the military tribunals at Gitmo are "illegal" and that the president has to "obey the law." Well this is just the kind of dangerous

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1152812372983226172006-07-12T14:38:00.002-04:002008-03-25T10:39:34.767-04:00

Hello there and welcome back to Friday Pie-Blogging! Today's pie is the delicious raspberry lime tart. Just take a look at that gooey fruit filling nestled gently in that flaky graham cracker crust. Mmmm, mmm! Taste the flavor."I dunno Fafnir," says you, "I mean sure it LOOKS good what with all the nutmeg an the cinnamon an the multiple rows a inch-long retractable teeth but somehow somethin just

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1152811880434354042006-07-12T13:30:00.001-04:002008-03-25T10:39:17.861-04:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1150277152538097442006-06-13T18:23:00.001-04:002008-03-25T10:39:01.497-04:00

Run for your lives - America is under attack! Just days ago three prisoners at Guantanamo Bay committed suicide in a savage assault on America's freedom to not care about prisoner suicides! Oh sure, the "Blame Atrocities First" crowd will tell you these prisoners were "driven to despair," that they "had no rights," that they were "held and tortured without due process or judicial oversight in a

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1149627888651098882006-06-06T14:29:00.001-04:002008-03-25T10:38:45.035-04:00

"Albatross or not albatross?" says me."Hmmm... albatross!" says Giblets.We reach in the ol cardboard box an pull out a rusty coke can. "Not albatross!" says me."This is stupid!" says Giblets. "Albatross Or Not Albatross is the lamest game ever!""Now to be fair it was a lot more excitin back before we ran outta albatrosses," says me. "Nuts to the albatross! We've run out of everything!" says

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1149624324242030652006-06-06T12:03:00.001-04:002008-03-25T10:38:24.068-04:00

...testing... testing... blog will resume momentarily... we repeat, stand by for incoming blog...

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1144183379656720912006-04-04T11:12:00.001-04:002008-03-25T10:38:03.195-04:00

Fare thee well, Tom DeLay. After years of diligently and thanklessly serving his donors, his lobbyists, and himself, the former House majority leader is leaving the United States Congress. He has endured one of the cruelest smear campaigns in recent political memory, a bitter and protracted effort to paint him as a criminal simply because he broke the law. And who in his position could have done

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1144174335183847852006-04-03T17:57:00.001-04:002008-03-25T10:37:36.062-04:00

As you all know, Giblets would love for gays and lesbians to be able to enjoy the same marriage rights as normal, non-icky Americans, but the sheer destructive power of their gay cooties threatens to destroy civilization as we know it! And now there is a new and even deadlier danger: Respected Thinker Charles Krauthammer has discovered the existence of polygamy through the cutting-edge research

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-77732180243233440942006-04-01T00:20:00.003-05:002010-03-20T23:46:33.336-04:00

The Medium Lobster is a higher being from beyond the boundaries of space and time. From his perch atop ethereal dimensions whose heights defy mortal comprehension, all of reality as you know it is laid out before him like so many ants at a summer picnic. To your limited perception, he appears to be an ordinary lobster, neither especially large nor particularly small. To your limited perception.If

The Blognoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-23806323795842839532006-04-01T00:14:00.002-05:002010-03-20T23:46:13.468-04:00

Behold the glory that is Giblets! He is your supreme and ultimate Giblets, you will have no other Gibletses before him. Bow to him! Bow to him NOOOOOOW!Behold this simple anthropomorphic potato! It has served Giblets well and has been rewarded with a place of honor at the end of this sentence. Will you be so rewarded at the hour of Giblets's judgment? No because you suck and are full of sucking!

The Blognoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-12805100686946680222006-04-01T00:12:00.002-05:002010-03-20T23:45:56.778-04:00

Hi! This is Fafnir. Are you Fafnir, too? Oh, that's too bad, you have so much in common.Fafnir is a part-time biped and freelance astronaut. While he may seem small and unassuming, when confronted with danger he can become even smaller and more unassuming, which acts as a form of natural camouflage in order to evade cars and people and other large predators. He is the author of several

The Blognoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1143730571448425002006-03-27T21:51:00.001-05:002008-03-25T10:37:11.390-04:00

"One of us is a murderer!" says me."One of us is going to kill again!" says Giblets."Only we can stop us in time!" says me."Because only we know where we’ll strike next!" says Giblets."Down by the docks!" says me."No, at the old mill!" says Giblets. "We'll never think to look for us there!""Great idea!" says me. "Now we have to find our victim before they fall into our clutches.""How about the

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1143730284578040662006-03-27T15:49:00.002-05:002008-03-25T10:36:51.360-04:00

Now everybody knows the duck is the greediest animal in all the land an one day Zeus decided to teach him a lesson. So he invited all the animals over an promised to give each one a special present an sure enough the duck was one a the first ones that showed up.First the giraffe walked up an Zeus said "Hello there giraffe, and what would you like for Zeusmas!" an the giraffe said "I'd like a new

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1143730162388772272006-03-25T11:15:00.002-05:002008-03-25T10:36:31.918-04:00

Today may be Fafblog's birthday, but every day is Fafblog's birthday, so we've decided to make it your birthday, too! Congratulations, you! Help yourself to another year and a piece of birthday pie. If you don't have pie, take some pie from someone who does. If someone else is taking your pie, take it back - what right's he got to take your pie on your pieday! If you are a large federal

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-1143033208338359472006-03-21T20:34:00.001-05:002008-03-25T10:36:12.900-04:00

Millions were outraged to learn last December that the president had authorized a warrantless domestic spy program in direct violation of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. The news represented a breach of a sacred trust: a violation not only of law, but of one of the most fundamental social contracts in democratic society. This time, the press had gone too far.Were it not for the New

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com0