tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52055582009-07-11T08:02:07.463-04:00This is a good blog. This is the best blog. It is about god and the universe and those horrible screaming monkeys and the time I made a pizza out of an old tire and a can of whip cream. This is the Fafblog.fafnirnoreply@blogger.comBlogger925125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-85199309129539614792009-07-01T12:53:00.000-04:002009-07-01T15:57:45.838-04:00

This week the United States moved ever closer to completing its daring humanitarian mission in Iraq: to slowly and grudgingly leave the country, after paying local residents not to kill them, after spending a very long time killing those residents by any means possible, after failing to recruit those residents to work for them, after invading their country and destroying its infrastructure. And

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-43672599562605541872009-06-22T10:13:00.000-04:002009-06-22T10:14:30.201-04:00

"How long you think we got before the end of the world?" says me."Forever!" says Giblets. "We'll outlast the universe with nothing but gumption and can-do and thousands of tiny robots!""It's true!" says me. "A year before the end of the world we will solve the everything shortage through the invention of a miraculous device that can make anything out of simple air and dirt!""Now all we need is a

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-80011654238729441472009-06-22T09:10:00.000-04:002009-06-22T10:12:28.685-04:00

"There's a bomb somewhere in the city, and it's going to go off in twenty-four hours!""Oh no!""Get me the president!""We don't know the president.""Then get me the vice-president!""We don't know him either.""Well how bout our local city councilman? We can start up a petition or a letter-writing campaign!""It'll be an adventure... in civics!""There's a bomb somewhere in this kitchen, and it's

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-35539029155899556362009-06-03T10:50:00.001-04:002009-06-03T10:52:04.225-04:00

What happened here? We step out for just half a year or so, and all of you turn into Chinese spam? So sad.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com63tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-60635110557548279912009-02-19T11:38:00.000-05:002009-02-19T13:41:21.945-05:00

Ah, Israel, the holy land, light unto the nations! Barely a month after valiantly killing 1300 Gazans, maiming and wounding thousands more, and leaving the rest for dead in an open-air prison, Israel has stood up for its right to stand up to other people's rights by forming its most hawkish possible government. A lesser nation might have wavered in the face of a merciless Palestinian onslaught of

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-66874831428076763402009-02-02T08:29:00.002-05:002009-02-03T11:54:51.804-05:00

"The earth will quake and the sea will boil and the moon will be as blood and every knee shall bow before the coming of the Fafblocalypse!" says Giblets."Or we could take the bus home," says me."The bus is damned!" says Giblets. "It is dumb and lame and smells like bus-smell and its name shall be struck from the Book of Life which is the second death!""I don't see a book a life," says me goin

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-21673227488423478332009-01-22T11:36:00.005-05:002009-01-31T00:15:44.776-05:00

We'll be back to regular blogging on Monday. Don't anybody inaugurate any new presidents or ethnically cleanse any Mideast ghettos while we're gone!UPDATE! Monday has been rescheduled for Wednesday on account of bird flu.UPDATE UPDATE! Wednesday has been rescheduled for Thursday because of its more amenable patron deity.UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! Thursday has been postponed til Friday 'cause you know

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-37931762635943557232009-01-17T12:49:00.001-05:002009-01-17T12:50:56.299-05:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-53866340563265317422009-01-01T21:49:00.002-05:002009-01-01T22:59:54.976-05:00

It should come as no surprise that this blog has been nominated for a Pretend Internet Award® in recognition of its tireless devotion to journalistic excellence, largely coherent grammar and qualified relationship to linear time. Our writers are even now being flown in a private jet to the awards ceremony along with such fellow luminaries as Andrew Sullivan, BritneyBlog and several recycled

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-54890643430987730702008-12-08T10:11:00.000-05:002008-12-08T10:12:12.031-05:00

So I'm headin out to the store to get some popcorn when a snowstorm hits town an freezes me in a block a ice. A coupla thousand years later I get thawed out by some friendly sciencebots diggin through the arctic tundra who label me an ship me to my new home at the Franklin D. Schwarzenegger Museum of Disposable History where I dazzle and amaze the children of tomorrow with the edutaining puppet

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-69434351764291364642008-11-12T19:48:00.003-05:002008-11-12T23:50:55.659-05:00

Look, up in the sky! Just there over the mountains and under the clouds and behind the pulleys and levers they use to raise and lower the sun there's the shine of a plate and a flaky brown crust and the sweet smell of fresh fruit filling and could it be... could it be pie?Now dogs are barkin and kids are pointin and grown men are fallin over in the street and the president is on the TV goin Hey

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com63tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-51898947200293987492008-11-05T13:22:00.004-05:002008-11-06T13:36:33.938-05:00

As of last night, Barack Obama has now become for the first time in American history the very first African-American to be elected Jesus. Now everything will be better forever HOORAAAAAAY! Except if you're gay.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-79849000060444828532008-11-04T14:59:00.005-05:002008-11-04T15:21:29.422-05:00

Well it's sure been a whirlwind two-and-a-half years, but election day's already here! Before Campaign '08 finally wraps up let's stop and take a last look at the swing states we'll be hearin about all night long.IRAQPopulation: 29 millionBig issues: gas prices, the economy, explosion reformMajor swing demographics: Joe the insurgent, Joe the government-employed death squad member, Joe the sad

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-70984643183907761232008-11-03T18:29:00.002-05:002008-11-04T14:59:46.072-05:00

"Maybe global warming won't be so bad after all," says me. "Like maybe Bangladesh'll like bein underwater. If you think about it havin your country flooded is kinda like spendin every day at the beach!""Maybe it's a glass-half-full kinda thing," says Giblets. "Like scientists are always going on about how lots of people are gonna die from famine and disease. But you know what you never hear them

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-72295343691803065972008-11-02T10:37:00.000-05:002008-11-02T10:38:18.505-05:00

FAFBLOG: First of all I want to say thank you, John McCain, for choosing to give your last major interview before the election right here on our little blog!JOHN MCCAIN: Thank you, my friends. The honor is all mine.FB: Now let's get right down to it. Why should you be president?MCCAIN: One word, my friends: leadership. As a Navy pilot I was shot down over Vietnam, as a member of the United States

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-66270706767230115852008-10-31T13:22:00.001-04:002008-10-31T13:24:36.026-04:00

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-54423359987302813802008-10-15T16:32:00.002-04:002008-10-15T16:36:38.610-04:00

This is pretty much like the last post, only you have to read it in the Received Pronunciation.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-92196436609684933502008-10-14T12:09:00.002-04:002008-10-14T12:14:57.874-04:00

So ever since this election switched from practical bread-and-butter issues like how much Democrats are going to tax Jesus to fund their gay-married abortion babies to fluff like "the economy" and "the recession" and "the apocalyptic collapse of global capitalism" it looks like everybody's gonna vote for Barack Obama. Well good for you, see if Giblets cares, Giblets doesn't care about the stupid

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com56tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-67357509041009476222008-10-11T12:44:00.002-04:002008-10-11T12:46:42.204-04:00

You are fucked in the head.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-43271938204903949122008-09-30T15:25:00.000-04:002008-09-30T15:26:23.286-04:00

"Maybe the glaciers aren't melting at all," says me. "Maybe it's just a coupla fat guys who keep tryin to go ice skatin at the same time.""Maybe it's like that episode of the Twilight Zone where everybody thinks it's getting hotter but it's all a dream and outside the dream it's really getting colder!" says Giblets. "Boy, would we feel stupid then!""Maybe God parked the earth out in the sunny

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-3344504234883701882008-09-29T09:55:00.002-04:002008-09-30T15:26:48.773-04:00

NASA's lost contact with the elephant and nobody's really sure why. Ground control says it's because of an improperly synchronized transponder on board the Hesperus II, the multi-billion dollar experimental space capsule designed to test the effects of weightlessness on elephants. The elephant says it's an attempt to escape a nightmarish future dystopia ruled by savage warrior apes. They agree

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-51538951176264040262008-09-11T10:22:00.001-04:002008-09-11T10:26:15.547-04:00

"Well we sure learned our lesson," says me standin in the middle a the smoke an the rubble an the burnin burnin cities, "and that's to never blow up someone else's country again.""Unless there's a real good reason," says Giblets, "like self-defense or preemptive self-defense or defense from self-defense or revenge.""Oh well a course there's self-defense," says me. "I mean just cause we wanna stop

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-2341198120049875872008-09-09T12:59:00.001-04:002008-09-09T14:12:02.072-04:00

Well there's a brand new political superstar on the scene and she's tough as nails and the media won't leave her alone and she's a rough-and-tumble Alaskan hockey mom and why are they asking all these questions and she is the pure reincarnation of the invincible Anglo-Saxon frontier earth mother and stop picking on her! So maybe Sarah Palin doesn't have all that much "experience." Maybe she

Gibletsnoreply@blogger.com56tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-30844921212694672872008-09-01T10:08:00.002-04:002008-09-01T10:08:57.472-04:00

Things are looking up for John McCain. Last week ended with a bang with the announcement of his fresh-faced new running mate Sarah Palin, who should provide McCain many more years of extended existence through gradual consumption of her life force, and, if needed, a new host body should his current vessel fail him. But McCain's true masterstroke is his planned convention trip to the permanently

the Medium Lobsternoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5205558.post-64606285255994908742008-08-21T07:44:00.002-04:002008-08-21T08:03:32.431-04:00

Right here.

fafnirnoreply@blogger.com17