Friday, April 30, 2010
Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by fafnir at 10:01 AM
Friday, April 9, 2010
"If you could wish for one wish from all the wishes you could wish, what would you wish?" says Giblets.
"Well yknow I always thought the world'd be a better place if people could communicate better," says me, "which is why I developed Fafsperanto, the universal language made from English and Spanish and Urdu and Mandarin and rhythmic elephant trumpeting."
"Shut up Giblets doesn't care!" says Giblets. "Giblets would wish for a singing tap-dancing joke-telling bagel named Starchy O'Shaughnessy and put it in a sold-out Broadway musical revue as the Eighth Wonder of the World!"
"It was actually goin pretty good for a while," says me, "with the classes on tape and the courses online and a lotta elephants were pretty interested in the semester abroad program."
"People would come from miles and miles to marvel and wonder at the amazing miraculous feats and powers of Giblets's magical tap-dancing bagel until Giblets got bored and ate it," says Giblets.
"But it all kinda fell apart after the bursar tried to shoot one a the TAs to harvest his tusks and a visiting lecturer trampled the provost in the faculty lounge," says me.
"Then Giblets would wake up so full of guilt and grief and rage and remorse for eating his innocent bagel friend that he would use his second wish to destroy the earth," says Giblets.
"Now I think maybe everybody should come with their own personal language as well as a book of handy phrases like 'I would like to purchase the balloon' and 'which way to the zoo'," says me.
"And after destroying the earth Giblets would feel so full of guilt and grief and so on that he would use his third and final wish to wish that none of his other wishes were ever wished and for all we know this has already happened," says Giblets.
"La playa," says me readin out loud. "Donde está la playa."
"Giblets's second choice would be a llama that plays the saxophone," says Giblets.
Labels: true adventures
posted by fafnir at 9:04 AM
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Literally tens of Americans were shocked this week to discover that the United States military likes to kill people. Unsettling news, yes, particularly for those of us who had assumed in good faith that one million Iraqis had accidentally slipped on a banana peel one morning and fallen into a pile of mislaid cruise missiles, but before we leap to all sorts of unsightly conclusions, calling Our Boys "mass-murderers" just because they happen to enjoy the occasional mass-murder, let's remember that in the fog of war with the eggs and the omelettes and the War Is Hell, who can say what's right and wrong, what's good and evil, who's an unarmed pregnant woman and who's a ticking time bomb threatening to produce future foreigners? Our troops have a job to do, after all - defending our country from those countries who would defend their country from our country - and if we hounded and nit-picked them after every little massacre, gang rape or atrocity, they'd hardly get any killing done at all.
Now, is this video disturbing? Of course. Were atrocities committed, innocents slaughtered, corpses desecrated and children maimed? Absolutely. But was it all done according to proper procedure? Ah, now, that's the question. We should all certainly be willing to support a full and complete investigation into the possibility of an official recommendation for preliminary motions toward an investigation, looking into the matter of whether or not the people here were properly murdered in triplicate, signed twice on the goldenrod form, in accordance with the Code of Canon Law. And we shouldn't rest until any guilty parties have been found, and strongly-worded disciplinary Post-Its firmly applied to their personnel files.
Apart from that, I don't think we have to spend much time thinking about this sort of thing - this is an isolated incident, just like this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this - and one has to accept a certain amount of rape, torture and murder with one's military. After all, if the military wasn't free to rape and torture people, then it certainly wouldn't be free to murder them; and if the military wasn't free to murder people, then it wouldn't be free to slaughter them en masse; and if the military wasn't free to slaughter people en masse, then what would we even have a military for?
posted by the Medium Lobster at 10:04 AM
Monday, April 5, 2010
We are at war with Pakistan, bombing and killing thousands of people who might otherwise object to our war with Pakistan, which is urgent and vital and necessary to secure the success of our war with Afghanistan, in which we are bombing and killing thousands of people who might otherwise object to our war with Afghanistan, which is urgent and vital and necessary to secure the success of our war with Pakistan, which together with our war with Afghanistan is urgent and vital and necessary to our national interest, which is defined as that collection of things which our nation happens to find interesting. You may say that all this is arbitrary and inhuman and evil and insane, and you'd be right, but I ask you: if the United States doesn't step up to the task of killing people the United States has decided to kill, then who will?
posted by the Medium Lobster at 12:16 PM
Thursday, April 1, 2010
APRIL FOOLS! WOKKA WOKKA!
Labels: doomed doomed doomed
posted by fafnir at 1:55 PM