Monday, June 22, 2009

"How long you think we got before the end of the world?" says me.
"Forever!" says Giblets. "We'll outlast the universe with nothing but gumption and can-do and thousands of tiny robots!"
"It's true!" says me. "A year before the end of the world we will solve the everything shortage through the invention of a miraculous device that can make anything out of simple air and dirt!"
"Now all we need is a way to replenish our rapidly dwindling supply of air and dirt," says Giblets.
"A dangerous rogue nation begins exploiting the air shortage through the suspected inhalation of strategic air currents," says me.
"Sabers are rattled, sanctions imposed, war is declared!" says Giblets.
"Who wins the war?" says me.
"No one," says Giblets, "but that's not important, what's important is the principle!"
"That's right!" says me. "And what's the principle?"
"Eh, who cares," says Giblets. "Meanwhile a super-secret rocket ship carrying our best and brightest rich people blasts off from earth to start up a newer, sexier earth in the vastness of space!"
"They are caught by the government of space and deported for overstaying their visas," says me.
"A month before the end of the world we solve all our energy problems by tapping into the vast inexhaustible power source of the sun!" says Giblets.
"A week after that we run outta sun," says me.
"And who needs the fat stupid sun anyway, so stupid and fat!" says Giblets.
"A deadly rogue nation is suspected of exploiting the dirt crisis by hoarding its own supply of dirt," says me, "as well as a secret stockpile of rocks, which could be potentially enriched into dirt."
"Sabers are rattled, sanctions imposed, war is declared!" says Giblets.
"A week before the end of the world it's finally time for the rapture," says me. "The skies open up and the heavens roll back and God descends from the firmament to rescue his chosen people, the Ganges river dolphin."
"Stupid dolphins, with their universal brotherhood and their gentleness of spirit!" says Giblets. "We shoulda finished em off when we had the chance."
"A day before the end of the world there's a super-big emergency meeting of super-big emergency countries about the end of the world," says me. "The big question of the day is, what are we gonna do about the end of the world?"
"Sabers are rattled, sanctions imposed, war is declared!" says Giblets.
"An hour before the end of the world we're sittin in a bunker thinkin about all the valuable lessons we learned," says me.
"Giblets has learned how to draw a turkey by tracing his hand and adding a smiley face," says Giblets.
"And I learned that if you try real hard anything is possible in the end!" says me.
"It's too bad we didn't try then," says Giblets.
"Well maybe next time," says me.

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posted by fafnir at 10:13 AM

"There's a bomb somewhere in the city, and it's going to go off in twenty-four hours!"
"Oh no!"

"Get me the president!"
"We don't know the president."
"Then get me the vice-president!"
"We don't know him either."
"Well how bout our local city councilman? We can start up a petition or a letter-writing campaign!"
"It'll be an adventure... in civics!"

"There's a bomb somewhere in this kitchen, and it's going to go off in a week!"
"Oh no!"
"Probably! If it gets around to it! It's got a lot on its plate right now!"

"Someone in this room is a murderer!"
"Statistically speaking, that is, since this room is a very large room!"
"In fact it is less of a room and more of an amphitheater."
"In fact it is less of an amphitheater and more of an ocean."
"Someone in this room is a series of coral atolls!"

"There's a bomb behind this couch, and it is not actually a bomb, it is actually a potato."
"And it's going to go off in twenty-four hours!"
"Oh no!"

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posted by fafnir at 9:10 AM
Wednesday, June 3, 2009

What happened here? We step out for just half a year or so, and all of you turn into Chinese spam? So sad.
posted by fafnir at 10:50 AM
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